Stay
by WritingHealstheHeart
Summary: She broke his heart years ago and has come back into his life. Can she get past the hardened man he has become? Can he trust that she won't run again? What happens when she is in danger? Will Spencer be able to save her again? *Mature readers only - sex scenes are detailed, language is used - you've been warned
1. Chapter 1

_She wanted to thank him for saving her life. He insisted it was his job and she didn't need to._

" _What if I want this? What if I want you?"_

" _But you don't. I told you before this is trans –"_

 _Her finger pressed against his lips. Irritation showing in her radiant blue eyes._

" _Don't say that word," she said gruffly. "It's insulting that you think I can't tell if my feelings for you are real or manifested. I know I'm blonde, but I'm not stupid."_

 _His jaw dropped, "no! No … I … I didn't, I don't think you're stupid."_

" _Then stop trying to tell me what I want or how I feel," she said as she moved closer to him._

 _Only inches from his face, she peered up at him through her lashes with a soft smile on her face._

" _And I know that what I want is you," she whispered._

 _With that his hands shot to the side of her face, pulling her in as he bent down to kiss her. It was passionate, like before, but this time he didn't try to stop it. Walking backwards, the back of his knees hit the hotel bed and he lost his balance._

 _She took advantage of their separation and lifted her sundress over her head. He nearly choked on the air he was breathing. She only wore a pair of white lace undies. Her breasts were perfectly round and sized, not that he had expected anything different from her. She was perfection in its finest after all._

 _He looked up at her questioningly. She smiled before reaching for his hands. She lifted them to her breasts and let go, allowing him the opportunity to explore. He started off gentle. A light brush of his palms over her hardening nipples._

 _When she threw her head back in pleasure, he slowly began to massage them. This elicited soft moans from her, that made his dick harden to the point of almost painful. He went to shift himself, which must've confused her into thinking he was going to do more, because she grabbed the back off his head and pressed his face into her chest._

 _He was startled for a moment, but quickly recovered and began pressing his lips to the cool, soft skin. He moved over to one of the mounds and rubbed his nose against the nipple, before flicking it with his tongue._

" _Yes," she breathed as her eyes fluttered closed._

 _He licked her a few times and then latched on with a loud suck. She groaned at this. Her fingers threaded in his hair. He only managed to give the other breast a kiss before she pulled him off and tugged his work shirt over his head._

 _Pushing him down, she climbed on top of him and feverishly kissed his lips. Their tongues battling one another as her body grinded into his. To her delight, he let out a moan that echoed through her mouth. Sitting up, she made quick work of his belt, button, and zipper._

 _Climbing off the bed for a moment, she pulled his pants and briefs completely off. She quickly shed her panties as well and was about to get back on top of him when he sat up with his hands out in front of him._

" _Lila … are you absolutely sure you want to do this? Please don't do this if you think you owe me," he said with such sincerity it nearly brought tears to her eyes._

" _Spencer," she said placing her hands on his cheeks. "There is nothing I want more in this world."_

 _He nodded his acceptance. She spread her legs over his lap, her knees pressed into the bed. Spencer wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her steady. His other hand tangled in her hair, bringing her face to his in a fiery kiss._

 _Lila lifted herself off the bed slightly and put her hand on his throbbing cock. She rubbed it teasingly against her wet entrance before slowly lowering herself down onto him. They both let out groans of relief._

" _You feel so good," Spencer moaned into her ear._

" _We fit together perfectly," she whispered._

 _Spencer grabbed her face and began to kiss her frantically. Those words clearly setting him off. While they kissed, she began to move up and down on his lap. The sound of their skin slapping together made everything that much hotter._

 _Lila gripped Spencer's shoulders, arched her back, and bounced up and down on him. To his surprise, she wasn't holding back on the noises she was making. Her moans of pleasure would clearly be heard through these hotel walls. Normally, he would be mortified, but right now he was too mesmerized by her erotic movements to care._

" _I want you to fuck me," she said as she slid off his lap and threw herself on the bed._

 _Missing the contact they had, he scrambled to reconnect with her. Climbing on top of her, he grabbed his pussy soaked dick and shoved it back inside her. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and her fingers clawed at his back._

" _Harder. I want you to push into me as hard and as fast as you can," she panted._

 _Spencer obeyed and began to thrust into her as rapidly as he could. Sweat was beading on his forehead and his hair hung over his face. The bed was squeaking and banging into the wall as he pounded into her over and over again. Her cries growing louder and louder._

 _Management was going to get complains if he didn't stop her. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Trying to drown out her shouts. She turned her head away from him to catch her breath and whimpered as she put her hand between them, rubbing her clit._

" _I'm almost there. Don't stop," she said._

 _Spencer kept the rhythm going, nearing his own completion._

" _Don't stop! Don't stop! Right there! Right there! Spence ….. OHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKK!" she cried as her body shook below him._

 _He could feel her muscles squeezing his dick and that was enough to send him over the edge. Pulling out as quickly as possible, he rubbed his cock until he released all over her stomach. She was still shaking and panting as he emptied himself on her._

 _With a sigh of ecstasy, he fell on his back next to her. Brushing his hair from his sweat-soaked face, he closed his eyes and focused on catching his breath. As he came down from his high, he felt Lila curl into him. He opened one eye and peered down at her. She was looking at him with a smile._

" _Did you enjoy it?" she said._

" _Were you not in the same room?" he said sarcastically, making her giggle._

" _I knew you would be amazing in bed," she said as she trailed her fingers along his chest. "Someone as sweet and shy as you … ever hear the saying 'it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for'?"_

" _Yea, but isn't that used in context of murderers?" he said furrowing his brow._

 _Lila laughed again. He loved her laugh. It was the most beautiful melody to hit his ears. He smiled at her._

" _Well, now it's used in context with how fucking great you are at sex," she said._

" _If you say so."_

" _I do," she said as she cuddled into his side._

 _They stayed that way until they both fell asleep. Spencer had never felt happier in his entire life, but as with most happy moments in his life, it didn't last._

 _He woke the next morning to find his bed empty. Sitting up, he looked around the room and saw a note on the nightstand. Grabbing it he flipped it open. He crumbled up the letter and threw it away. He should've known better than to trust her. Lila left. Just like everyone he loved._


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer wandered into the BAU early on a rainy January morning. Before approaching his desk, he beelined for the breakroom to get a warm cup of coffee. As he was preparing his cup, Matt Simmons wandered in behind him.

"You read my mind, Reid," he said with his signature half smile.

Spencer filled another cup and handed it to Matt.

"For warmth or energy?" Spencer asked as he took a sip of his overly sugared coffee.

"Both," Matt grinned. "Lily has strep throat. She was up crying most of the night."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Just hope I don't catch it," he said as they walked towards the bullpen.

"Good morning my little ducklings!"

Spencer and Matt both glanced over their shoulders to see Penelope Garcia trotting toward them in a flowery rain jacket and hot pink rainboots.

"Garcia, don't take this the wrong way, but how are you so pleasant on a day like today?" Matt said making Spencer chuckle.

"Every day I wake up alive and healthy is a beautiful day, my dearest Korean delight," she said with a beaming smile.

Spencer took a sip of his coffee to hide his laughter at another one of Garcia's many nicknames.

"Korean delight, huh?" Matt replied.

"You bet your gorgeous model face," she said before waving as she walked away.

"They don't make women like her," Matt said as they watched her leave.

"They truly broke the mold," Spencer agreed.

The two men continued their walk into the bullpen, both heading straight for their desks, when Luke Alvez appeared with a huge smile on his face.

"You guys aren't going to believe this," Luke said excitedly.

"Aliens are real. I knew it," Matt teased making Spencer laugh.

"No, seriously. You are not going to believe who is in the lobby right now," he said.

"A girl you haven't slept with?" Matt tried.

"Better luck with the alien," Spencer said, making Matt nod playfully.

"If this wasn't so amazing, I would tell you never mind and not share," Luke stated with his arms crossed.

"But since it's so amazing, go ahead and wow us," Matt said leaning back in his chair.

"I was just heading to the elevator, when I saw this gorgeous blonde talking to security … you guys it was Lila Archer," he said grinning.

Matt burst out laughing. Spencer, however, had the opposite reaction. His heart rate increased and he furrowed his brow.

"I'm serious!" Luke said.

"What in the world would she be doing at FBI headquarters?" Matt asked.

"Maybe she's filming and needs to do some research or maybe she's in trouble and needs to be rescued," he said wiggling his eyebrow up and down.

The two continued to go back and forth, while Spencer tried to remain calm. It had to be a mistake. Luke probably saw a woman that resembled her. She wouldn't come back. Not after 12 years.

"Look! There she is!" he said in an excited whisper.

They all looked to the glass doors, where Lila stood looking around for someone. She had on a pair of tight skinny jeans and a black overcoat. Her blonde hair in a messy ponytail, with strands that framed her face. She looked more stunning than she had when he first saw her all those years ago.

"Watch and learn my friend," Luke said as he waltzed toward her.

"Oh, this outta be good," Matt laughed.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, can I help you?" Luke said with a suave smile.

"I hope so. I'm looking for Spencer Reid. They said I could find him here," Lila said without smiling back at him.

"Reid?" Luke said stunned.

"You know him?" Lila said hopefully.

"Yea, uh, right this way," he replied, a bit dejected.

When they approached, Spencer saw Lila's face light up.

"Spencer," she said softly.

Matt looked as surprised as Luke. They both watched as Spencer nervously bit his lip.

"You've really changed," she said with a smile.

"That happens after 12 years," he mumbled.

The tension in the room became palpable. Luke and Matt pretended to get to work, but both were listening to the conversation.

"I'm sorry to bother you at work," Lila said looking down at her feet. "I didn't know how else to find you."

Spencer didn't know what to say. His heart was still racing and he felt sick to his stomach.

"Do you … do you think we could talk … just for a few minutes?" she asked nervously.

Spencer thought it over for a moment, but reluctantly agreed. He got up from his chair and walked off with Lila in tow. Luke and Matt watched in amazed silence, both pulling out their phones to start texting the others.

Spencer closed the conference room door behind Lila. He used his arm to offer her a seat. She slowly sat down in one of the round chairs and surveyed the room to stall a bit. Spencer took a seat across from her and watched her in silence.

"So, I guess you are wondering why I'm here?" she finally began.

He didn't respond. She knew the answer.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see and I don't blame you. I just didn't know where else to go."

With that her eyes filled with tears and she looked away from him, trying to calm herself. Reaching into his pocket he grabbed a handkerchief and held it out for her. She gave him a small thankful smile and dabbed at her perfectly made-up eyes.

"Aghh, I didn't want to do this," she said embarrassed. "I didn't want to cry like this. Fuck."

Part of Spencer ached to console her, but he knew better than to fall for her dramatic acting ploys. Of course, she would use tears to drum up sympathy. That's just so Lila. As he sat mulling it over, she was trying to regain composure. She sniffled and looked back at him.

"I'm in trouble," she started.

She wasn't sure what to expect Spencer to say or do, but how he reacted caught her completely off guard. He started laughing. Her brow furrowed.

"What did you come back to relive 12 years ago? I rescue you, so you can tell me you love me, fuck me and then just leave without so much as a goodbye?" he laughed as he stood up from his chair. "Lila, I am not the same naïve lovestruck puppy I was then. I've been through a lot and I've changed in ways you'll never understand.

So, you can take those crocodile tears and pouty-poor me lips and go back to Hollywood where you belong. Cause I'm not falling for your act again."

"Spencer, wait!" Lila cried out as he walked toward the door. "This isn't an act! I'm not lying to you! It's happening again! I have proof!"

He watched as her shaky hands reached into her purse and she pulled out a handful of wrinkled papers. She held them out to him and he could see how unsteady her hands were.

" _Don't fall for it!"_ he said to himself.

He stared for a moment, before curiosity got the best of him. He walked back to the table and took the papers. The handwriting was terrible and almost illegible at times.

 **Lila, I love you so much. You are my soulmate. We will be together soon. Just wait.**

He opened the next one. **Lila, I waited for you all day at our place and you didn't show! Is there someone else? I will kill them! You are mine! You belong to me! Do you understand me? MINE!** The next, **Lila, did you like the flowers and the bear I sent? I know the flowers are your favorite color and the bear is like the one your Grandpa gave you that you lost when you were little. I love you.**

Spencer looked up at Lila and saw her nibbling on her fingernails. She did seem genuinely stressed about this. Maybe she was telling the truth. He looked back down to read the last three messages.

 **Lila, you were great on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. Did you like the sign I had made for you? I held it up in the front row. What am I saying, of course you did! I saw you look right at me and wave. You also wore that black dress I love so much. Thank you for reminding me that you still love me. I know sometimes I get insecure, but it's just because I love you so much and I would be devastated to lose you. You are my entire world. See you soon.**

 **Lila, why didn't you call last night? I waited up all night for you and you didn't show up! I was worried sick! It's that other guy, isn't it? I'll kill him! I'll fuckin' kill him! And I'll leave him chopped up into pieces on your doorstep you disgusting whore! You cheating cunt! I should kill you too!**

 **Lila, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you are busy with your work schedule. I made you a romantic dinner for tonight to make it up to you. A nice bubble bath afterwards. A soothing massage. I'll even go down on you the way you like and you don't have to do anything back to me. Unless you want to, of course. I have to finish getting dinner ready, you'll be here soon. Love you!**

Spencer looked back at Lila and sighed. She was watching him anxiously. The fear and distress in her eyes became too real to ignore.

"Lila, this," he waved the papers in front of himself. "This has to be taken seriously. I need to tell the team about it."

She seemed to sink a little at that suggestion. He wasn't sure if she was ashamed of them knowing she was being stalked again or whether it was her shame of what she'd done to Spencer. Not that she would know, or needed to know, but he never told them what happened. He was too humiliated.

"Ok," she said softly.

"Just sit here and I'll be right back," he said turning to exit the room.

"Spencer," she called out and he stopped. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve your help."

He didn't respond, just exited and closed the door behind himself.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N – sorry for the delay! Hope you like it! xoxo_


	3. Chapter 3

Lila sat in the conference room alone until lunch time, when Spencer and J.J. came in carrying Styrofoam takeout boxes. She looked up and gave a small smile, but Spencer could tell it wasn't genuine. She was worried and he couldn't blame her.

Spencer handed her one of the containers. She popped it open and this time a more genuine smile played at her lips.

"You remembered," she said softly.

"I remember everything," he brushed it off as he sat down across from her.

J.J. winced and gave Lila an empathetic glance. She could see Lila sink a little in her chair.

"We thought we could talk a bit while we eat lunch. Are you ok with that?" J.J. asked as she sat next to Spencer.

"Sure," Lila replied as she bit into her bacon burger.

Spencer pushed a notebook across the table.

"When you get a minute, I want you to write down any person you know, come in contact with, work with. We need to start looking into these people," he said.

"Ok. That's a lot of people, but I'll do my best," she said.

"Lila, is there anyone you may suspect?" J.J. wondered.

"No and I tried to be careful. I don't let anyone get close to me anymore. I spend most of my free time alone. I tried really hard not to let people get attached to me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong," she said as tears filled her eyes.

"You didn't do anything wrong. These people … they are the ones who are wrong. They see things that aren't there. Lila, all you have to do is smile and the person thinks you are smiling at them. There is nothing you could have done to stop this, but you are doing the right thing now by getting help," J.J. assured her.

Lila nodded, but she was still clearly beating herself up. She picked at her burger as she tried not to cry. J.J. looked to Spencer. She could see the internal battle he was struggling with. He was trying hard not to let her back in, though it went against the person he was.

J.J. knew what happened between him and Lila years ago. He had told her everything after she found him crumbling a picture of her and him from a magazine.

"Right now, our best move is to start with people on your list and those closest to you. Until then, you will be safe with me. If I have to go out of town for a case, you can stay here with Garcia," Spencer said matter-of-factly.

"It's important that anything out of the ordinary, you report to us. Even if it turns out to be nothing, we don't want to take any chances," J.J. explained.

"If anything stands out in your memory that could lead to us finding this person, please tell us. We are starting at ground zero, so the more information you can supply us with, the better chance we have of finding this guy," Spencer added.

"Ok," Lila said as she nodded.

"I got in touch with Derek Morgan, you may remember him," Spencer began. "He is going to stop by in a couple of days with some information about properties for rent and sale. It's a side project he works on and will be able to assist in finding a safe place for you."

J.J. noticed that Lila deflated a bit at that statement. She, obviously, wasn't keen on leaving Spencer's apartment.

"That is great, thank you," she said with the best smile she could muster.

They spent the rest of lunch talking about what she had been doing the past few months. Where she worked, where she stayed, who she encountered. All of this was recorded by J.J., though Spencer had it memorized in his brain.

(xxxxx)

Spencer opened the door to his apartment and pushed it wide as Lila, Luke, Garcia, and J.J. hurried in with boxes and bags of Lila's things. They took everything straight to the guest room, where Lila would be staying for the time being.

"Thank you all so much for your help. I truly can't thank you enough," Lila said as she followed the team out into the living room.

"It's a pleasure, Ms. Archer," Luke said.

"Please, call me Lila."

"Well, Lila, if you need anything don't hesitate to contact us. Even if it's just for a little girl time," Garcia said with a big smile.

"Thank you," Lila said with a smile.

"We will let you get settled in. Spence, see you tomorrow," J.J. said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Lila was jealous as she watched the girls hug him. She wished she could go back 12 years and undo what she had done to him. She would never get to hug him again. The door closed, snapping her back into reality.

"Can I make you something to eat?" she offered.

"I told you, you don't have to do that," he said as he walked off to his bedroom.

Lila wanted to cry. She knew she deserved his coldness, but it still hurt deeply. She was already scared and out of her element. It didn't help that she felt completely alone and unwanted too. She went into her new room and quietly unpacked her things.

(xxxxx)

Lila wasn't sure how long she had been unpacking, but she just sat down on her bed, clutching the teddy bear her Grandpa gave her when she was little, when there was a soft knock at her door.

"Yea?"

The door opened and Spencer peered in at her.

"Dinner's ready if you'd like to eat," he said.

"Oh, ok. Yea, I'll be right there," she replied.

Spencer ducked his head and walked away, leaving her alone again. She squeezed her bear and placed it gently on her bed before going to join Spencer for dinner. She found him at the table scooping rice onto a plate.

"I hope you still like Chinese," he said.

"Yes, thank you," she answered as she sat down across from him.

They both ate in silence. Lila feeling awkward and unwelcome, despite this being entirely his idea. Maybe she should insist that she go to a hotel? But she was too scared to be alone. For now, she would reap what she sowed and deal with the uncomfortable silence.

(xxxxx)

Lila rose early the next morning. Spencer told her he left for work at 8pm and she didn't want to be the reason for his hold up. She took a shower, did her hair and make-up, then went to the kitchen to see what he had for breakfast.

Staring into the mostly bare refrigerator, she decided to whip up some eggs for herself and Spencer. She started the coffee pot and around 7:15am, Spencer strolled into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed.

"You're up early," he stated.

"Oh, hi. Yea, I didn't want to make you late for work. I don't know if you eat before you go, but I made you scrambled eggs. It's not much –"

"I told you, you don't have to cook for me," he said with irritation.

"I know. It wasn't … I mean, it's not anything special. I was making it for myself, so I just figured –"

"I drink coffee," he said as he poured himself a cup.

"Oh, ok. No problem," she said as he prepared his cup and left the kitchen.

Lila took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry. She ate as much of the eggs as she could by herself and disposed of the rest. She had just finished cleaning the kitchen, when Spencer called from the living room.

"You ready to go?"

"Yes, let me just grab my coat," she said as she hurried to get her things.

(xxxxx)

Thankfully everyone in the BAU was a lot more cordial to her. She was greeted with smiles and questions about how she slept the night before. She particularly enjoyed the banter between Garcia and Luke. She wondered if they didn't have a thing for each other. They would be an adorable couple.

J.J. was pleased with the list Lila had put together. She kept the notebook to continue writing as many details about her life in the past year as she could remember. Anything she could remember could be helpful.

For lunch today, Garcia dragged her into her "lair" to have some girl time. She asked her questions about her favorite movies, favorite places she'd been, favorite foods. It was nice to talk to someone who just wanted to get to know her as a friend, not as a celebrity.

Spencer, however, avoided her at all costs. She often caught the others giving him curious looks or shooting him daggers. It didn't make a difference though. He was still disgusted by her and had no intentions of being swayed otherwise.

(xxxxx)

The next few nights were spent the same way. She hid in the bedroom, only emerging at the promise of dinner and returning quickly to her room once dishes were cleaned. Those nights were spent crying as she cuddled her bear, until she fell asleep.

That's why she was surprised Friday evening at dinner when Spencer suddenly spoke to her as though she had just arrived at his place.

"I'm not sure what you usually do in the evenings. I typically read, but we could watch tv or find a movie if you'd like," he said.

This surprised her enough, that she just stared at him. He looked up and did a double take.

"I mean, you don't have to. You can do whatever," he said, back peddling.

"No, its … I'm just … surprised that you want to do anything with me," she said flustered.

"Well, we're going to be living in the same space, we might as well make the best of it," he said.

"Wow, that's comforting," she muttered.

"What? Is that not true?"

"I know I hurt you. Believe me. It's something that I will never forgive myself for," she began. "That being said, I feel like an intruder around you. You asked me to come here and yet, I feel like you'd rather I wasn't. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. And maybe I deserve it, but this was your idea. I would've been fine in a hotel."

Spencer's head dropped as he listened to her frustrations. He licked his lips and finally, looked up at her.

"You're right," he said, surprising her once again. "I did ask you here and I haven't been very welcoming. I will try to let go and be more hospitable."

"Thank you," she said softly.

"So, would you like to watch a movie?" he asked.

"Sure. That would be nice," she agreed.

After cleaning up the boxes and storing the leftovers, they made their way into the living room. Spencer let Lila go through his small drawer of movies and pick what she wanted to watch. She settled on a French foreign film she'd never heard of and put that in.

They sat on opposite sides of the couch, but Lila felt more at ease. She snuggled one of his pillows as she watched the movie and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue during dramatic scenes. Spencer sat quietly on his end of the couch.

"Lila?"

She looked over to see him watching her.

"Hmm?"

"I want you to feel at home here. Contrary to my behavior the past week, I truly mean it. Please help yourself to whatever you'd like and if there is anything you need, let me know and I'll get it for you," he said.

"Thank you," she replied with a small smile.

Spencer gave her a smile in return before turning back to the television. Lila's smile didn't fade quickly. That was a step in the right direction. Maybe there was still hope after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer was sleeping soundly when Lila's screaming woke him. He jumped from his bed, opened his side drawer, and grabbed his gun all before racing toward her bedroom. He swung the door open and held his gun out, only to see an empty room.

Lila thrashed in her bed, still screaming and whimpering. Spencer put his gun down on her dresser and hurried to her bed. Sitting down he grabbed her shoulders.

"Lila! Lila, wake up! Lila!"

Her eyes popped open and she gasped. Her breathing erratic as she squirmed in his grasp.

"Lila, it's me! You're safe! It was just a dream!" he said loudly to her.

She stopped moving and looked at him. His face lit by the moonlight streaming through the nearby window. She suddenly burst into tears. Spencer let go of her and scooted back to give her room. She sat up with her hands covering her face as she sobbed.

"He's going to get me. He's going to find me and he's going to kill me," she said as she shook with fear.

Spencer felt uncomfortable with the situation. He wanted to comfort her, but was afraid to do so. Eventually, his heart gave in and he gently placed his hand on her arm, rubbing it soothingly.

"Lila, I told you I would keep you safe," he said softly.

"Spencer, you know statistics. What are the odds of someone being stalked twice?"

"There isn't really a statistic for that," he replied.

"You know why? Because it doesn't. I survived the first attempt. What are the odds I will survive the second?" she said as tears poured down her cheeks.

"Lila, you can't think like that –"

"I can't help it, Spence. I'm scared to death. I feel like destiny wanted me to be killed the first time and somehow, I escaped it. Now it's back to get me. To finish the job," she sobbed.

"This isn't the movies. There is no greater force trying to take you out," he said.

"Well it feels that way. It feels like punishment. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe all these things keep happening to me because I'm a shitty person," she said.

"You're not a shitty person," Spencer tried.

"Spencer, I walked out on you. I had everything I could've ever wanted and I walked away. I left you without even saying goodbye or explaining myself. I am a horrible person and whatever runs Earth knows it," she said.

Spencer frowned. He looked down at his plaid pajamas debating whether to share his life with her. For whatever reason, he decided to trust her.

"Do you think I'm a good person?" he asked.

She let out a humorless laugh.

"Spencer, you are an angel," she said sincerely.

"According to you though, bad things happen in our lives because we deserve them. Correct?"

She watched him curiously.

"Lila, just a few of the things I've been through since I last saw you; I've been kidnapped, shot in the leg, contracted a form of anthrax, taken hostage by a cult, nearly blown up twice, and I was shot in the neck. So, what did I do to deserve all that?" he said as her eyes widened in horror.

"Spencer, that's different. All that happened to you because you were trying to save lives," she assured him.

"Fair enough. How about what I did in prison?"

"Prison?" she said with a furrowed brow.

"You didn't know? I was arrested last year. Spent nearly three months in a maximum state penitentiary. While I was in there, I poisoned a bunch of prisoners that were trying to beat me into smuggling their stash of drugs," he said feeling the anger building inside of him again.

"What?" Lila gasped as she searched his eyes for the truth.

"I know you want to think that somehow you deserve this, but you don't. We all have to deal with unpleasant things in our lives. Some of us more than others, but the world doesn't keep tabs. Things just happen and sometimes for reasons we will never be able to explain. It just is. Life can just plain suck," he said.

Lila sighed and began nibbling on her thumb. Spencer smiled, unconsciously, as he reached out and pulled her finger away from her teeth.

"Don't do that," he said softly.

Lila noticed he hadn't let go of her hand. She looked at it and back up at him. When he realized what he was doing, he cleared his throat and let go of her hand.

"As long as you are with me, no one will hurt you," he said seriously.

Lila wiped the tears with the bottom of her palms. She sniffled and gave a small smile.

"Words will never express my gratitude," she said.

He nodded as he stood up and walked to the door.

"Try to get some rest," he said. "I'm a room away if you need me."

"Thank you," she said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He walked off, leaving the door slightly ajar. Lila smiled as she snuggled back into her bed. He knew she wouldn't want the door closed. He was always so good at reading her. She held her teddy bear close to her chest and soon drifted back off to sleep.

(xxxxx)

Much to Spencer's dismay only a few hours later he was called in for a case.

"So much for sleep," he sighed as he rolled out of bed with a yawn.

He padded over to Lila's room and pushed the door open, allowing the hallway light to seep in. She was curled up with a bear in her arms. It brought back memories of her sleeping in his arms like that. He shook the bad memories away as he promised himself after last night he would let the past go and slowly walked toward her bed.

"Lila," he said gently as he shook her shoulder. "Lila, wake up."

Her eyes fluttered open and she instantly went into defense mode.

"What's wrong?" she said sitting up quickly.

"No, it's ok," he assured her. "I'm sorry to wake you, but I have to go into work. I have a case."

"Oh, ok," she said climbing out of bed to gather her things.

"We should leave in about ten minutes," he said as he watched her grab some clothes from her drawer.

"Ok, I'll be ready," she said heavily with sleep.

Spencer walked off to finish getting ready as well and exactly ten minutes later they were climbing into his car. As they drove quietly through the early morning traffic, Spencer glanced over at Lila.

"Were you able to get some rest?" he asked.

"A little," she said as she continued to watch the world outside her window. "How about you?"

"Same," he said.

They spent the remainder of the trip in silence. When they arrived at the BAU, Spencer took Lila straight to Garcia's lair. He knocked on the door and heard her holler out, "you may enter." He pushed the door open and Garcia sat facing them with a smile.

"Good morning lovelies," she said.

"Morning," Spencer said. "Lila, you can make yourself at home over here. I'll be right back."

Lila lowered herself onto the black leather couch, feeling out of her element. She looked around the high-tech room before her eyes landed on Garcia, who was still smiling at her.

"You'll get used to us," she said empathetically.

"I'm sorry. I think with everything going on, I'm a little awkward wherever I go now," Lila said.

"Oh, sweet pea, I can only imagine. I mean, years ago I had a man try to kill me and it took a long time for me to not look over my shoulder every five minutes," Garcia related.

"Someone tried to kill you? Because of your job?" Lila said surprised.

"Sadly, yes. The worst part was he did it by pretending he liked me. I was so humiliated when I found out it was just a ploy to murder me," Garcia frowned.

"Oh, that's horrible! I am so sorry someone would do that."

"It's ok. It hurt at first and my self-esteem took a bit of a beating, but I met someone and that changed everything," she grinned.

"Oh, that guy … um what's his name … the good-looking Latin guy … Luke was it?" Lila said.

"Luke? What? No way!" Garcia said turning red and flustered.

Lila giggled. "Oh, I thought … you two seemed … flirty."

Garcia let out a loud guffaw.

"Nope. Noooo way. Uh uh. He is the newb and nothing more. He's actually quite irritating. So, that's a no."

"Ok. My apologies for the misunderstanding," Lila said with a small knowing smile.

With that, Spencer entered the room again carrying a pillow and a large brown fluffy blanket.

"I stored this here a while back for long nights. You are welcome to use it. I'm sure you could use some more rest," he said as she took the items from him.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it," she said.

"We are headed to Kansas. I'm not sure when we will be back, but whatever you need, Garcia will be glad to assist. You can always text or call me too, but I may not be able to answer right away," he explained while she nodded.

"I'll take good care of her, boy wonder," Garcia said.

"Alright, well, I'll see you later," he said before leaving the room.

Lila watched him leave and heard a chuckle from Garcia. She looked to see the tech smiling at her.

"What?" Lila said with a furrowed brow.

"Looks like someone still holds a flame for a certain FBI agent," she said in a playful tone.

"I wish, but I screwed up that chance 12 years ago when I broke his heart," Lila replied with a frown.

"Awe honey, we all make mistakes," Garcia began.

"Not like what I did. He really cared about me and I got scared and just ran away. I left a stupid letter. If I can't forgive me, how could he ever?" she said sadly.

"Give it time. You'll see," Garcia encouraged.

"Do you mind if I rest? I didn't sleep much last night," Lila said, ready to stop talking about Spencer.

"Go right ahead! Rest as much as you need to," Garcia said as she spun in her chair, to get to work.

Lila curled up on the couch and sighed. She really hoped that the small progress she was making with Spencer, would show him how she meant what she said about changing. She hoped that he would see she was being genuine and eventually, she would win him back.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thank you to my readers and commenters! You are all wonderful and I thank you for making me smile! xoxo_


	5. Chapter 5

It was day two of her stay in the BAU and Lila was beginning to get bored. She enjoyed her time talking to Garcia, but it was pretty limited since she was busy working the case with everyone else. She was laying on the couch staring at the ceiling, softly humming a song when she received a text.

 _Spencer: Are you alright?_

He had been texting her sporadically over the past two days. Mostly, checking in to see how she was doing and update her on their status. Nothing real friendly or personal. More matter-of-fact.

 _Lila: Truthfully, a little bored, but I'm safe. So, that's all that matters._

 _Spencer: I'm sorry. I never even considered that. If you like when I get back we can go shopping for things you can keep at the office to entertain you._

 _Lila: Oh, that would be great actually. Thank you._

 _Spencer: I have to go. Could be home soon._

Lila smiled as she put her phone down. It would be nice to have some things that belonged to her here. She could get some books, maybe a few puzzles and magazines. Maybe she could learn a new language. She always wanted to be fluent in Italian or French. Her mind wandered with possibilities.

(xxxxx)

Lila sat scribbling on a sheet of paper she got from Garcia, while softly humming to herself.

"Thinking of someone in particular?"

Lila startled at Garcia's voice. She turned to see the tech smiling coyly at her from across the room.

"Huh?"

"Gorgeous," Garcia said.

Lila tilted her head and her brows knitted together.

"The song you're humming. It's Gorgeous by Taylor Swift, right?"

"Oh, I didn't even realize I was humming anything. I guess I wasn't paying much attention," Lila said as she blushed. "I zone out when I'm drawing."

"What are you drawing? Can I see?"

Lila looked down at the black and white picture and turned a deeper shade of red.

"Um, I'm kind of shy about my work –"

"Oh, please can I see? I won't laugh. I promise," Garcia begged.

"I don't know …"

"Pretty please," she pouted.

"Ok, but … only if you swear you won't tell anyone! I really don't like showing others my work. It's very personal for me," she said.

"I swear on all of my precious tech equipment," Garcia replied.

Lila sighed and slowly held up her drawing. Garcia gasped as she looked at a picture of Spencer sitting on a chair reading. If she hadn't seen Lila sketching it, she would have thought it was a photograph.

"Lila! That is breathtaking!"

"You think so?" Lila said as she looked at her drawing.

"It's so lifelike!"

Lila smiled as she placed the paper back down on the table.

"I've always enjoyed drawing. It brings me peace," she said.

"Well, you are an amazing talent. You shouldn't keep it to yourself. I would love to own one of your drawings," Garcia said.

"Really? Well, maybe one day," Lila said shyly.

At that moment, Garcia's phone went off.

"Back to work," she said as she spun her chair around and answered the phone. "Tech genie, make a wish, have it granted."

Lila giggled as she went back to her own work.

(xxxxx)

The team was on their way home and Lila was aching to get out of the tiny room she'd been trapped in for four days. Not that she didn't enjoy spending time with Garcia, or Penny, as she now fondly called her, but it was dark and cramped. She knew it was for safety, but she really wished she could wander outside sometimes.

"I'm going to go freshen up a bit," Penny said as she stood up and stretched.

"Ok," Lila said as she stood up and started folding her blanket.

As she was straightening up her area, her cell phone rang. She looked down and sighed.

"Hello?"

"Lila Marie Archer! We have been trying to get a hold of you for days! Where the hell are you?"

"Mom, I told you I was leaving," Lila began.

"Well, it's been nearly two weeks. I think it's safe to come back now."

"It's definitely not safe to come back and if you would actually listen to me when I speak you would've heard me tell you I was never coming back. I'm done with that life –"

"You are just going to throw everything away? All because of some crazy person?"

"Yes, and I'm already a thousand times happier," Lila said.

There was a shuffle on the phone before her father's voice erupted.

"Lila! You get your ass back home this instant! Enough of this foolishness!"

"Foolishness? Are you kidding me? My life is in danger and you think I'm foolish for leaving?" Lila said with a humorless laugh.

"Don has jobs lined up for you and you will not flake, young lady. You have a responsibility –"

"Yes, Dad! I do! I have a responsibility to keep myself alive and I'm doing just that. I told Don I wasn't doing this anymore. If he made commitments, that's his fault, not mine," Lila said angrily.

"You selfish, ungrateful cunt! What do you think you are going to do now? Huh? You think anyone out there wants you? Without your career, you are a nobody. An ugly, stupid, high school dropout who is a waste of space and the air you breathe," he growled.

Lila's shoulders shook as she tried to hold back the tears she was fighting. She didn't want to let her parents think they got to her. She promised herself many years ago that she wouldn't let them see her cry. She didn't want them to hold power over her.

"Your mother was right. We should've aborted you. You've been nothing but trouble since the day you were born."

"It's been lovely as always talking to you two, but I have to go," she said as she tried to end the conversation.

"Go get hit by a bus," her dad said.

"Love you too, Dad. Bye," she said hanging up.

Her hand shook as she brought it over her mouth. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to take deep breaths and calm herself. She was startled to hear someone clear their throat behind her. She jumped and wiped at her eyes. A quick glance, told her that Spencer was standing awkwardly in the door way.

"Oh, hey, you're back," she stuttered as she kept her back to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," he said gently.

"Oh, it's ok. I'm fine. It's fine," she lied as her voice wavered.

"Lila –"

"I'm fine," she said again as she turned and plastered a fake smile on her face.

Spencer could see the pain in her eyes. He heard everything and the anger he felt was palpable. How could someone be so cruel? Especially to their daughter. Lila grabbed her things and walked out of the lair.

(xxxxx)

Lila stared silently out the window, while Spencer fumed over what he had overheard. He wanted to talk about it, but she had made it clear she didn't. About halfway through the ride, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to speak up.

"Lila," he said.

She looked at him with tired, distant eyes.

"It's not true. None of what they said is true," he told her.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said as she curled into herself.

"I know you don't, but you need to hear that. You need to know that you are –"

"Are what, Spencer? Special? A somebody? Wanted?" she snapped.

"Yes! You are all of that and more!" he defended.

"You're kidding me, right? Who wants me? Besides people who want me for my fame, no one does," she said as fresh tears appeared. "You, the nicest person in the world, don't even want me."

"That's not true –"

"It's not? Because I hadn't even moved in with you and you were already calling Derek to find me a place to live."

Spencer opened his mouth to protest more, but she kept on going.

"Look, I get it. I know I fucked you over. I am reaping what I sowed, but don't give me this bullshit that you want me," she said angrily as hot tears streamed down her cheek.

Spencer pulled into his parking space and Lila quickly unbuckled and hopped out. She walked briskly the remainder of the way, stopping outside the apartment door as she waited for Spencer to unlock it. Once he caught up and unlocked the door, she beelined for her bedroom. The door slammed shut, leaving Spencer standing in his living room unsure what to do next.

(xxxxx)

Lila had spent the remainder of the day in her room. She had cried for a while, until she fell asleep from exhaustion. When she woke, it was dark outside. A look at the clock told her it was 7pm, which explained the growling in her stomach.

After freshening up, she wandered in to the living room. The house was dark, except for a small light on the end table. Spencer must've gone to sleep as well. She felt bad for lashing out at him. He was just trying to help. As she turned to go to the kitchen, the front door opened and Spencer came through with his arms full of bags.

"Oh! You're awake!" he said.

"Yea, um, you need help?" she asked.

"No, I'm good. Thank you though," he said as he hurried past her. "I was kind of hoping to surprise you."

"What?"

"I felt bad about pushing you to talk today. I should've respected your request. So, I ordered your favorite," he said digging in one of the bags and pulling out a white container.

Lila took it from him and opened the lid. She laughed softly as she stared at the sandwich.

"A grilled cheese from Cheese and Crackers. Thank you … this is really sweet of you," she said smiling.

"It's the least I could do. Shall we?" he said as he held his box up.

She nodded and they settled into their seats at the table. It was a nice dinner with comfortable conversation. When they were finished, Lila picked up the containers.

"Allow me to do the dishes," she joked.

"You're too kind," he grinned.

As Lila tossed the trash, she remembered all the bags Spencer had carried in.

"If you don't mind me asking, what were in all those bags you were carrying?" she asked as she sat down at the table again.

"Oh, hang on," he said jumping from his seat to go into the kitchen.

He emerged carrying two of the bags. Reaching inside, he started pulling items out.

"I hope you don't mind, but I found some things I thought you might enjoy," he said as he placed a stack of books on the table. "The, uh, lady who runs the store said these were popular with women in your age range."

Lila looked over the books as he reached into the second bag and pulled out a sketchbook and an array of drawing tools; colored pencils, crayons, charcoal, pencils, oil pastels.

"Spencer! Oh my gosh, this is too much!" Lila cried as she watched him continue to unload art supplies.

"I wasn't sure what you would typically use. Garcia just said you like drawing. If you don't like it, I can take it back," he said.

"No! No, I love it! This is … this is amazing," she said touched by his gesture.

Spencer moved the empty bags and sat down. He swallowed hard, but looked up at her with resolve in his eyes.

"Lila, I know I gave you the impression that you weren't wanted here and I wish I could say that wasn't my intention. I let my hurt get the best of me. The truth of the matter is, I do want you here. I've always wanted you here. I'm just afraid you'll leave again. So, I figured if I pushed you out, I was the one in control this time," he said.

Lila placed the art supplies down and gave him a rueful smile.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but none of them will ever be regretted as deeply as the day I walked away from you," Lila said as she fought off tears. "I was scared. I never had someone care about me the way you did.

I was a movie star. That's how everyone saw me. I was used to being treated as such and playing the part. But you … God, you kept seeing the real me. No one knew her and I was terrified that you were beginning to. The fear of letting you down was too much for me to handle.

I've seen the look of disappointment when people get a glimpse of the real me. They run every time and the thought of you running –"

"Lila, I liked the real you. I would've never run," Spencer insisted.

"You say that, but you don't know that for sure," she said as her lip trembled.

"The same could be said for you. Why would someone as beautiful as you, want someone as ordinary and awkward as me? You don't think I was afraid to trust you? You were this gorgeous woman who could have any man with the snap of your fingers and you picked me. The gawky dork," he stated.

"You were different then everyone else. It's what intrigued me about you."

"Well, you were different to me too. The fact that you lived this insanely strange, public life and yet had all these hidden depths to you, fascinated me."

"Depths?" Lila said laughing. "What depths? I'm as shallow as a puddle."

" _Tears of blood  
Stream down my skin  
Words so sharp  
They cut me thin_

 _The burn on flesh  
So raw, so deep  
Words that haunt  
My soul does weep_

 _The sting of air  
It fills my lungs  
To hide away  
The gnashing tongues_

 _Momentary relief  
The pain released  
Only temporary  
Never peace."_

Lila's jaw dropped.

"My … how?" she said stunned.

"I may have glanced through your poem journal years ago," he said sheepishly.

"But that was my private thoughts … there was some really bad shit in there," she said as her eyes danced between his.

"I know. I read them all," he frowned.

She seemed at a loss for words. Her brow furrowed in sadness as she tried to process this information.

"But no … there was things in there –"

"That what? Would scare me away?" he said raising his eyebrows in question. "Lila, I don't know how you can be so accepting of other people's transgressions and yet you feel this need to condemn yourself. All those poems did was give me a deeper connection to you. An understanding of how life shaped you into the person you are."

By now, silent tears slipped down Lila's cheeks. Those poems held some of her deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. To know, that someone had read them and wasn't judging her based off of them, was baffling. She stood up and shook her head adamantly. She couldn't trust this. She couldn't let herself believe that any of this was true.

Spencer followed suit and stood up, rounding the table to stand in front of her. Lila tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"I have always seen you for who you are and that is a beautiful, funny, smart, and brave woman," he said softly. "And no matter what anyone says, you will always be someone special to me."

Lila stepped forward and pressed her head into his chest. Her arms snaked around his waist, with his arms gently folding around her as well. After a moment, Lila leaned back slightly to thank him. Their eyes locked on one another and suddenly they were moving slowly toward each other.

Her eyes fluttered shut as their lips gently connected. She felt Spencer's hands slide up her back, before they settled on framing her face. Their mouths moved slowly, savoring each touch. When she parted her lips and granted him access to more, his hands slid back down her body, catching her behind her legs and lifting her into his arms. Lila wrapped her arms around his neck, lips still attached as he carried her toward his bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer stared into Lila's green eyes. He gently traced his finger along her jaw and over her lips.

"You are truly breathtaking," he said as he leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

Lila's arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him tighter against her naked body. The floor of Spencer's bedroom was scattered with their clothing. But what had started off as a desperate need, changed into a slow, cherishing desire.

Spencer was taking his time memorizing every part of her. His fingers exploring every inch of her body as she lay still beneath him. There were moments his scrutiny brought out her insecurity, but the adoration in his eyes always erased this fear. No one ever looked at her the way he did.

As they kissed, Spencer moved to prop on his side. His hand trailed down her body, stopping just above the area she craved him to touch so badly. In an attempt to encourage his exploration, Lila spread her legs open for him.

"Eager, aren't we?" Spencer whispered with a playful smile.

"You have no idea," she said.

He grinned as he leaned down and connected their mouths again. While nibbling gently on her bottom lip, he let his fingers slid over her other dripping wet lips. He teased her, flicking her clit a few times, making Lila squirm.

To Lila's complete surprise, Spencer rolled on top of her and began kissing his way down her body. She watched as he neared her apex. Her heart raced at the thought of watching him between her legs. When they had slept together all those years ago, he was still so young and timid. The sex was amazing, but it was just the simple missionary act.

She sat up on her elbows and watched as he settled between her legs. He looked up at her with a cheeky grin that made her head spin. Then with agonizing care, he slowly ran his tongue from the lowest part to the tip of her clit. Savoring the taste of her.

Lila let out a groan and threw her head back as he continued to enjoy licking and sucking her. As he massaged her clit with his tongue, he gently slid his finger into her. He was rewarded with a whimper. He continued alternating his mouth technique, while working his fingers in and out of her.

"Spencer, I need … I need more … I want more of you," Lila panted.

He gave her a final lick before moving back up her body. She grabbed his neck and pulled him to her, latching her mouth on his. She tasted herself on his tongue, but it didn't matter to her. Pushing him over on to his back, Lila took control.

She bent over and took his cock into her mouth, making Spencer loudly gasp. She peaked up through her lashes to see his mouth open in ecstasy as she prepared him for her body. After giving him a few pleasurable moments, she slid off his dick with a pop and straddled him, before slowly descending down onto him.

It took a few ups and downs before her body accepted him fully. Once he was engulfed by her they both moaned their approval. Lila flipped her hair out of the way and began moving her body in a rhythmic wave. Spencer couldn't get over how sexy she looked riding him.

He ran his hands up her sides, cupping her breasts as she bounced on top of him. The sound of their skin slapping together was intoxicating. He bit his bottom lip as the pleasure ran through his veins. Lila was grunting and groaning as her head flipped back and forth with her movements.

Spencer needed more of her. He grabbed her and pulled her down to kiss her desperately. As their mouths connected, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and thrust up into her. Wanting to take control, he rolled them over, amazingly still staying inside her.

He grabbed one of her hands and tangled their fingers together as he began to push himself deeply into her. Lila wrapped a leg tightly around his waist, to which he used his hand to hold her there. His dick couldn't go any deeper into her. The feeling was amazing.

"Oh, oh, uhhhhhhh, Spence, hard … harder," Lila whimpered beneath him.

He clutched her tightly and began pushing himself into her as hard and fast as he could. The bed squeaking with each movement. Lila rocking below him. Her one hand gripping his neck, her other pressed against his ass.

"Yes, baby, yes! Right there … oh fuuuuuck … Spence … uhhhhhh … yes … yes."

Spencer was fueled by her moans as he worked up a sweat pounding into her. He worried he would hurt her, but she kept encouraging him to continue. He was nearing the end and worried he'd get there before she did. So, he slipped his finger between them and massaged her clit furiously.

"Yes! Oh, fuck yes! I'm gonna … oh shiiiiitttt!"

He felt her tightening below him. Leaning up, he looked into her eyes that were staring back at him. Her mouth dropped open in an "o" as she whined in pleasure. Suddenly, she seized up and a rush of warm fluid covered his dick as her muscles contracted around him. Her eyes fluttered as she rode the wave of her orgasm.

Watching her come for him was something he had never seen before. He'd been with women and they had finished, but he never watched it happen. This was the first time he saw that pleasure unfold before his eyes. It threw him over the edge.

Once he was empty, he collapsed next to her. His body half on her, half on the bed. They both lay in silence trying to catch their breath and come down from their high.

"That was the best sex I have ever had in my life," Lila said breaking the silence.

Spencer rolled over so he could see her and smiled sleepily.

"I'd have to agree," he said kissing her hand that he now held in his.

Lila sat up and grabbed the blanket that was curled at the end of the bed. She pulled it over their bodies and scooted her butt against his limp and worn out dick. Spencer wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. His head resting just above hers. He placed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Sweet dreams," Lila whispered.

"You too," he said through a yawn.

Within minutes, the deep, easy breathing of Spencer sleeping filled the air. Lila held him close and realized that she hadn't felt this safe and happy in a long time. In fact, the last time she felt this way was 12 years ago. It was this moment she knew that this was where she belonged and she would do whatever it took to keep him this time.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Thank you to everyone reading this and to the amazing people commenting! You all give me the drive to continue writing! xoxo_


	7. Chapter 7

Spencer woke up feeling more peaceful than he had in years. Curled against his body, still sleeping soundly, was Lila. Her leg was draped over his legs, her arm rested on his chest, while her head was snuggled in his armpit.

She fit perfectly against him as though he'd been designed just for her. He gently kissed the top of her head, thinking it would go unnoticed.

"Mmm, good morning to you too," she murmured.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"I was already starting to wake up, so you didn't. However, you certainly encouraged me to continue waking," she said as she kissed his chest.

"Encouraged you?" he wondered, a little confused.

"Why sleep when reality is better than my dreams," she said with a loving smile.

"Can't argue there," he said as he pulled her to his lips.

As their kissing started to heat up, Spencer's phone rang, making them both groan. Spencer reached for his phone as Lila stayed propped on his chest.

"Reid."

Lila continued to kiss and lick his chest as he listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone. With a devilish look in her eyes, she slipped under the covers. Spencer's brow furrowed as he wondered what she was up to.

"Oh! … I mean ok, I understand," he said as Lila began teasing the tip of his dick with her mouth. "Yea, I will shower and be on my way."

Spencer tried to focus, but he had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out in pleasure as Lila took him fully into her mouth.

"YEA … mmhmmm … I'm fine. I just stubbed my toe on the dresser. Ok, I'll see you soon," he said quickly ending the call. "Fuck Lila!"

He heard her giggling from beneath the covers, but she didn't stop sucking him.

"I have to go to work," he said as he pulled back the covers.

Lila let go of his dick for a moment and smirked at him.

"Well, you better hurry than," she said as she put her mouth over him again and bobbed her head faster.

Spencer grunted at the feeling. He wanted to make her stop, but it felt so good and she looked so amazing. Her naked body moving around as she worked to please him. Without holding back, it only took him another three minutes before he released himself in her mouth. Lila drinking every drop of him as he watched in the purest form of orgasmic bliss he'd ever experienced.

"Fuck that was so hot," he groaned as Lila crawled her way up his body to give him a quick kiss.

"There's so much more where that came from," she flirted. "But for now, you need to get ready for work."

She hopped off the bed and gathered her things up off the floor. Just as she was about to head to her room, Spencer's hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into him. He grabbed her face with both hands and crushed his lips to hers.

"Thank you," he said when their lips parted.

"No need to thank me. I enjoyed it as much as you did. Now get ready," she said lightly slapping his bare ass. "Unless you want to wear your birthday suit to work, which is totally cool with me."

"No one wants to see that," he said laughing.

"Oh darlin, lots of people want to see that. I'm just lucky enough to be the one who does," she said giving him a peck on the lips.

With that she walked out of the room and he watched with a tug at his heart. He was falling hard for her and it was scaring him. He had promised himself he would trust her, but now the thought of losing her would kill him.

(xxxxx)

Lila and Spencer entered the bullpen forty minutes later. They were greeted by J.J. and Matt who were mid-conversation.

"Mornin," J.J. said with a smile. "Were you able to get any rest?"

Lila looked to Spencer, who shrugged his shoulders.

"As much as usual," he said.

"You must be pretty bummed to be back again," J.J. said to Lila.

"I wouldn't say bummed. I enjoy the little bit of time I get with Penny. I feel bad that you guys don't get any down time. Is this usual?"

"Not particularly. Usually they try to give us a day of rest, but unfortunately, murderers don't get that memo," Matt said with a side smile.

As they were chatting, Luke and Garcia came walking toward them. Luke looked exhausted, while Garcia seemed oddly refreshed.

"Good mornin' crime fighters," she said with a big smile.

Her bright blue dress, matched the heels on her feet. Her wardrobe was as bright as her personality. Lila couldn't help smiling when she saw her newest friend. Penny always made her feel warm inside.

"Are you ever grumpy?" Luke grumbled.

"Yes, whenever I'm around you," Garcia teased. "Off to the conference room my angels. Lila, make yourself at home in my lair."

Lila expected Spencer to say something to her, but she watched as he walked off without so much as a wave. She tried not to think too much on its meaning. He was always in the zone when he was at work. She quietly walked off to Garcia's office.

(xxxxx)

Not much later, Garcia came clip clopping into the lair. Lila sat up straighter on the couch and smiled at the bubbly blonde.

"Hello beauty queen, how are you today?" Garcia greeted.

Lila giggled at today's nickname. It changed daily.

"I'm well. Could've gone for a bit more rest, but I imagine you all feel the same," Lila said.

"Good news is the case is local, so the team will be working out of the office," Garcia said as she booted up her computers.

"Oh, that's nice," Lila said as she stifled a yawn. "Hey, do you mind if I go make a coffee?"

"Not at all. You know where the break room is," Garcia replied.

"Yea. You want anything? Coffee or Tea?"

Garcia held up a mug, "already taken care of. Thank you though."

Lila wandered out into the lobby and glanced toward the bullpen. It was empty. The team must work out of the conference room. As she neared the breakroom, she heard J.J. say her name, so she hid off to the side to listen.

"How are things going with Lila?"

"Fine," Spencer replied.

"Just fine? You got a hot woman like Lila Archer in your home and you aren't hittin' that?" Luke said.

Lila heard a slap and a yelp. Someone must've smacked Luke for that comment. She imagined it was J.J.

"No, it's not like that. Lila is just an old acquaintance who needs my help," Spencer said.

Lila's heart dropped. She didn't expect him to say girlfriend, but he didn't even say friend.

"Seems like she regards you as more than an acquaintance," Luke said.

"Trust me, she knows where we stand," Spencer said as he turned toward the door.

Lila dove behind one of the pillars and waited until they were gone. She watched them all make their way back to the conference room. Her heart completely shattered. She thought after everything Spencer had said to her … after their love making … she thought he wanted to be with her. He just used her. Like everyone else in her life.

She made her way back to the lair and curled up on the couch.

"Lila? What's wrong?" Garcia said with concern.

"Oh, nothing. I just started my period and my cramps are really bad. I'm just gonna try and rest," she lied.

"Do you need anything? I have some Advil?" Garcia offered.

"No, really, I'll be fine. I'll just take a nap and I'm sure it will feel better," she insisted.

"Ok, well, if there's anything I can do for you. Just let me know."

Once Lila heard Garcia start typing again, she allowed herself to silently cry. How could she be so stupid to believe that Spencer was any different. Men were all the same and she was dumb enough to fall for his lines when she was most vulnerable. Never again. As soon as this case was over, she was going to talk to Derek and have him help her find a house, asap!

(xxxxx)

Hours later, after Lila woke from her nap, she told Garcia she was going to get something to eat. Garcia didn't think much of it and gave a wave of her hand, acknowledging that she had heard. Lila walked out of the lair and went straight for the elevator.

Thankfully, no one from the team was out and about so she was able to leave the floor with no issues. It felt so good to be outside in the cold, fresh air. She bundled up under her jacket and looked up and down the street. She decided to go to her left and see what they had to eat.

Two blocks away, she found a quaint little restaurant called Mama's Place. She went inside and was instantly greeted by a rotund, yet stunningly beautiful older black woman. She had sparkling white teeth and honey brown eyes that seemed to pop.

"Welcome to Mama's Place," she said with a big smile. "I'm Rhonda, is it just one today?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lila said smiling back.

"How is a beautiful young lady, such as yourself, eating all alone?" Rhonda asked good naturedly.

"Just on a lunch break from work. Everyone else stayed behind to keep plugging away," she lied, not wanting to get into it.

"Well, let me get you the best seat in the house. At least this way, you can have a little company while you eat," Rhonda said as she led Lila over to the counter where an older black man and woman stood cooking.

"Nessa, Byron, we got a solo visitor. I'm sorry, baby, I didn't ask your name," Rhonda said.

"Oh, it's Lila."

"Miss Lila here, she needs extra special treatment," Rhonda said. "Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you," Lila said with a smile.

"Welcome to Mama's Place. I'm Nessa, it's a pleasure to meet you Miss Lila," she said. "Let me get you a menu."

Lila felt so at home here. It was hard to believe the place wasn't packed with how friendly everyone here was. Nessa handed Lila the menu and Lila began looking over it. Everything sounded so good it was hard to decide.

"May I ask what your favorite thing on the menu is?" Lila asked Nessa.

"Oh, honey, I love it all. Tell me, what's your mood like today?" Nessa said.

"Honestly, I'm feeling pretty rotten. There's this guy I like, a lot and I thought he liked me too, but I was mistaken," Lila said as she chewed her bottom lip.

"Poor girl," Nessa said sincerely. "Byron, we need the broken heart special."

Byron nodded at Nessa and got started on Lila's order.

"You wanna talk about it?" Nessa asked as she leaned on the counter.

With that Lila began to cry. Before she knew it, Rhonda was by her side with tissues and Nessa was handing her a cold drink of sweet tea. For the next twenty minutes, she shared her entire history with Spencer and listened as they gave her advice.

Rhonda and Nessa stayed by her side, even as she ate her delicious meal of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, greens, and cornbread. Nessa had made the right choice. The food and company were already making her feel loads better. By the time she had finished eating, her spirits were slightly lifted.

"Now, you come back and visit us again, you here?" Rhonda said as she gave Lila a hug.

"Most definitely. Thank you all so much for everything," Lila said.

"Remember, God chose you to be born. Which means he thought you were special and worth the effort. Don't let anyone else make you feel otherwise," Nessa said.

"Yes ma'am," Lila replied.

"Nah, we are family now. Call me Mama," Nessa said with a smile.

"Yes, Mama," Lila giggled.

With that Lila waved and left the restaurant. She walked happily back to the FBI building and was blissfully unaware of the panic she had caused. As soon as she walked into the building, she heard "target has been spotted," and felt someone grab her arm.

"Are you Lila Archer?" the man in uniform asked her sternly.

"Yyyes, what's going on?" she said concerned.

"Right this way," the man said as he led her to the elevator.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Sorry for the delay. I try to write regularly, but I've been having a tough week so it slows me down. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks as always for the support! xoxo_


	8. Chapter 8

The doors to the elevator opened and Lila walked through them with the uniformed man to see Spencer standing with his arms folded and his brow furrowed angrily.

"Thank you," Spencer said to the man, who nodded and turned around to go back downstairs.

Lila watched the doors to the elevator close and then looked back to Spencer.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" he said.

"I just went to get something to eat. I told Penny," Lila said as she curled her arms around herself.

"You know you aren't supposed to go anywhere by yourself. What if that psycho is here looking for you?" he said.

"Well, then I guess I would've been taken. What do you care anyway? It's not like you would be losing a friend," Lila snapped as she pushed past him to go to the lair.

"What are you talking about?" he said as he followed her.

"Let's just drop the act, ok? There's no use in pretending," Lila said.

"I would love to know what act you are talking about," Spencer said frustrated.

Lila stopped just outside of Garcia's office and sighed.

"I was foolish to believe that things would be different. It's my fault for placing you on a pedestal. Shame on me. But I know where we stand and I will respect that from this point forward," she said.

"Lila, I honestly have no clue what is happening right now," he said as he studied her.

"What's happening is I'm accepting reality," she replied. "Now, go back to work. I'm obviously safe and I don't plan on leaving again anytime soon."

With that she turned and went into Garcia's office, closing the door behind her. Spencer stood in stunned silence staring at the door. He had no idea what happened, but it was obvious he had done something to piss Lila off. For now, he had to focus on his job, but he would be questioning her as soon as the unsub was captured.

(xxxxx)

Two days later, the unsub was found and arrested. The team was worn out, but Luke suggested they go have some drinks to wind down. Everyone, except for Rossi, accepted the invitation. Spencer had tried to say no, but Lila was quick to jump in with a yes.

He figured since she had been trapped inside so much lately, it might be good for her to get out. Maybe that was why she was acting so weird the past few days. Maybe she was just getting a little stir crazy. So, he followed along with everyone else as they went to Happy Nights.

Spencer tried a few times during the night to talk to Lila, but she was avoiding him. She made sure to ride to the bar with Garcia and when they got to the bar she stayed close to the girls. He tried to chalk it up to her needing girl time, but she wouldn't look at him or acknowledge him. It was obvious she was mad at him.

"Anyone want to dance?" Luke called out as a Latin Pop song blared over the speakers.

"Me!" Lila said as she jumped up from her seat.

Spencer clutched his beer and tried not to look jealous as Luke wrapped one arm tightly around Lila's waist and the other tangled with her hand. The two of them dancing together was almost like watching a professional performance.

"That looks so hot!" Emily said as she pretended to fan herself.

"They would make a cute couple," J.J. teased.

"Nah, she's not his type," Garcia said with a little flame in her eyes.

"Is his type voluptuous and techy?" Emily said with a smirk.

"What? No … uh uh … I just meant … shut up," Garcia stuttered before throwing back a drink.

"Well, whatever, that looks like fun. I want to dance," Emily said looking to Matt and wiggling her eye brows.

"I'm not as good as Mr. Puerto Rico, but I'll do my best," Matt said as he held out his hand and led Emily to the floor.

J.J. didn't even ask before grabbing Will's hand and dragging him to the dance floor. Garcia turned with a big smile to Spencer, who shook his head no as he tipped back his beer.

"Come on! Don't make me be the only one not dancing," she pouted.

"Garcia, I have the rhythm of a dead man," Spencer replied.

"Please!" she begged.

Finally, Spencer rolled his eyes and relented.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," he said as he followed her to the floor.

True to his word, Spencer couldn't do much more than sway back and forth like he was in the 1900's or something. If Garcia tried to do anything fancy, he would step on her toes. By the second, song she was getting fed up with him.

"Alright, Pussy Cat, how about you show me those moves you tell me about?" Luke said as he stepped up to Spencer and Garcia.

"I don't know that you are ready for that," Garcia said.

"I think I can handle it," Luke said with a bit of smolder.

Garcia couldn't help the smile that hit her lips. She stepped away from Spencer and allowed Luke to lead the way. Lila took one look at Spencer and walked back to the table. He followed a bit embarrassed.

"You don't want to dance anymore?" he asked as she took a gulp of her drink.

"Nope."

"Lila, what's going on? Why are you avoiding me?" he said as he sat down next to her.

"I'm not avoiding you. Now, if we were friends this would be avoiding you. Since we're just acquaintances, this is nothing," she replied.

Spencer was confused at first, but then it hit him. The conversation he had at work three days ago with J.J. and Luke in the breakroom. She had heard him.

"Lila –"

"No. I misjudged what was happening between us and I was set straight," she said taking another drink.

"Please let me explain," he said.

"I've been used so many times in my life, I can't even give you a number, but none of it hurts as much as what you did. All those things you said to me, just so you could sleep with me. If you were trying to hurt me for what I did years ago, bravo you succeeded," she said as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Lila, no –"

"Excuse me," she said jumping up and running off toward the bathrooms.

She pushed past the line of people and ran straight into the nearest open stall. Slamming the door shut, she bent over the toilet and started throwing up. The thought of Spencer using her was too much for her to stomach. She continued to vomit until everything she had to drink was out of her and floating in the grungy toilet below her.

She flushed and opened the door, startled to see Emily, J.J. and Garcia frowning at her.

"Are you alright?" Penny asked.

"Yea, I think I just drank a little too much before dancing," she lied.

"It's getting pretty late anyway. Will and I should be heading out," J.J. said, trying to ease the guilt of Lila needing to leave.

"I'm pretty tired myself. Why don't we just call it a night?" Emily said.

The girls helped clean Lila up and before long they were all heading to their cars to go home. J.J. and Will dropped Spencer and Lila off at his apartment. They were quiet the entire ride home. Once inside, Lila wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but Spencer had other ideas.

"Lila, I know what you must think and I'm sorry you overheard that conversation," he began.

"Spencer, please. I just want to go to bed," she said as a new wave a nausea swept over her.

"But it's not … Lila … I don't think of you as an acquaintance. I don't even think of you as a friend … I mean I do … but more than that. I guess … like a girlfriend …"

"Spencer stop it! I don't want your lies or your pity!" she snapped.

"It's not a lie or pity! It's the truth! I just told them that because I don't want them in my business. I love my team, but they always feel like they need to know everything or have a say in everything. Especially with me. They treat me like a baby sometimes and I just wanted to keep this as untouched for as long as possible," he said.

Lila wiped at her eyes. She couldn't turn and face him. She wanted to believe him, but it felt like another line to sleep with her.

"Lila, I would never use you and everything I said to you the other night, it was from my heart. I know what I said hurt you and I'm so sorry for that. I should have told you I wanted to keep our relationship on the downlow for a while. I want it to just be us. With no prying eyes and gossiping lips. I wanted to enjoy you all to myself.

I know that's selfish and I should've asked you if that was alright. I'm still new at all of this. I don't always do the right thing, but I can assure you that I always have good intentions," he said.

By now, Lila had tears dripping down her cheeks as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. She wanted to believe him so badly. Spencer walked up behind her and cautiously placed his hand on her shoulder, turning her to him.

Her gaze was on the floor, so he placed his hand under her chin and tilted it up.

"Lila, please believe me. I promise I'll show you how much I care," he said and then realized how that might sound. "And I don't mean sex."

Lila fought back the smile that tugged at her lips. She slowly moved forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She laid her head against his chest as he enveloped her. Tilting her head up to look at him she gave him a small smile.

"Ok, but …" she trailed off.

"But what?"

"I mean, you could show me how much you care through sex. I wouldn't be opposed," she grinned coyly.

"Well, if that's what my lady wants, that's what my lady gets," Spencer said as he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

"Again?" Spencer chuckled.

Lila had her head resting on Spencer's lap, while they watched a movie. They already had sex twice the night before and twice that morning. Once before breakfast and once after. It was cold and rainy outside, so they decided to stay in and make it a movie day.

They had been halfway through some boring Russian movie Spencer had picked out, when Lila started rubbing her hand teasingly around his crotch. She was pleased with his refractory period. Most of her past lovers were only able to get it up once a day.

She peered up coquettishly at him.

"But I miss you," she said with a playful pout.

Spencer laughed again.

"I'm right here."

"But you aren't in me. I feel whole when we are one," she said as she scooted up on her knees.

"That's going to be quite difficult to make a reality. I don't think either of us would get anything done connected that way," Spencer said. "Not to mention society's disapproval of our nudity –"

"Spencer, just shut up and kiss me," Lila said as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her lips.

As they kissed, Lila pulled her pants down. Spencer groaned as his hand rubbed her bare ass.

"No panties?" he said surprised.

"Waste of precious time," she replied as she started tugging on his pants.

Spencer lifted his hips and allowed her to pull his pants off, while he lifted his shirt over his head. Lila threw her shirt to the floor before climbing onto his lap. She hungrily sucked on his neck as she gyrated on top of him. His dick rubbing between her wet folds.

"Ahh, fuck," he moaned as Lila tangled her fingers in his hair.

"You like that, baby?" she purred as she licked his earlobe.

"It feels so good," he said before grabbing her head in his hands and pressing his mouth roughly against hers.

Lila continued to rub her clit against Spencer's throbbing cock. Her head tossed back in ecstasy as she moved her hips faster against him. Reaching between them, she lifted herself up and slowly descended onto him. His dick sliding in easily with no resistance.

Lila bounced up and down as Spencer ran his hands along her body. Caressing her breasts, tugging on her nipples. He loved watching her squirm and flip her hair as she moved fluently on top of him.

"You are so gorgeous," he groaned as he slid his hands into her hair, holding her still in front of him.

Lila clutched his arms as he lifted himself into her rapidly. Her mouth opened in pleasure as he hit her g-spot over and over again. Her body started to shake as she stared into Spencer's eyes. Her whimpers were barely audible as she neared completion.

With a loud scream, her body convulsed as Spencer held her tightly. Their eye contact never breaking, though her eyes did flutter halfway closed as she rode out her orgasm. After she finished and fell against him, Spencer slammed into her a few more times before reaching his own climax. He let out all the air he had been holding in and groaned his way through his orgasm.

"Holy fuck," he panted before placing a few kisses on Lila's head. "That was amazing."

"See why I want you in me," she said still pressed against his chest.

"I never disagreed with your reasoning. Just the practical aspect of it," he said making her giggle tiredly.

"I love you," she laughed.

She immediately tensed realizing what she had just admitted and didn't move in fear. She felt him grow rigged below her.

"I'm … I didn't … um …" she stuttered in a panic.

Before Spencer could reply there was a knock at his door. They both separated and quickly got dressed. Neither looking at one another. Once they were dressed, he went to answer the door, while Lila sat down on the couch nervously chewing on her lip.

She heard the door open and gentle talk, but she was too busy freaking out to listen. When Spencer returned to the room, he placed a large vase of red roses on the coffee table in front of her.

"Oh, Spence," Lila said softly. "They're beautiful."

"I didn't get them for you," he said with a furrowed brow.

"What? Well, who …" she trailed off with large eyes as she looked to him in terror.

Spencer grabbed the card that was attached and opened it. Once he finished reading it, he reached for his phone and flipped it open.

"It's from him isn't it? He found me," she said as she curled into herself.

Spencer didn't say anything. He just waited for whoever it was to pick up on the other end.

"Emily, he's back."

(xxxxx)

It didn't take long for the entire team to arrive, Derek included. Despite not being part of the FBI anymore, he had witnessed his brother lose a girlfriend before and he wasn't about to let that happen again. They all piled in the living room, some sitting, some standing, to discuss the situation.

"It might be safer for the time being if you stay at the BAU," Emily suggested to Spencer and Lila.

"No, I'm not displacing Spencer like that. It's bad enough I roped him into this. I'm not making him leave his home too," she said defiantly.

"Lila, if it protects you –" Spencer began.

"If you aren't with me, you'll be safe," she said.

"Not exactly true. If this man can't get to you and he gets frustrated, he could try to take it out on Spencer," Emily said.

"Spencer is a threat to this guy. He could try to eliminate that threat, so he is in just as much danger," Matt said.

Lila's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Spencer. She endangered his life. How could she let this happen? What could she do now? What if she just gave herself up, then Spencer would be safe?

"It'll be ok. We will find this guy and stop him before anyone gets hurt," Emily said, reading Lila's emotions.

"Excuse my interruption, could we have a moment alone," Luke said awkwardly, insinuating he didn't want Lila present.

"Sure, I'll go make some coffee," Lila said in a daze as she walked off.

"What did you find out?" Emily asked.

Luke apologetically glanced at Spencer before turning his attention back to Emily.

"The order was placed yesterday online," Luke began.

"Did you have Garcia look into it?" Emily asked.

Again, Luke looked hesitant and apologetic.

"Yeah, the order was placed yesterday …" Luke trailed off.

"What's going on?" Spencer said staring at Luke.

"I'm sure there's an explanation –" Luke said before Spencer interrupted.

"Who is it? What did you find?" Spencer said as his temper began rising.

"Lila made the order. It was placed yesterday afternoon and paid for with her credit card," Luke said.

Emily's eyes widened and her jaw opened slightly as she looked to Spencer. His brow was furrowed and he was shaking his head no.

"Obviously, whoever this is stole her credit card information," he defended.

"Yea, that's what we figured, but Garcia traced the order back to Lila's cell phone," Luke replied empathetically.

Spencer turned on his heels and stormed toward the kitchen. Emily followed behind hoping to keep him as calm as possible. She knew that his temper had grown shorter over the years. Lila was taking mugs out of the cabinet when Spencer walked into the room.

"You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?" he growled at her.

Lila spun around stunned as she looked between him and Emily. She could see the concern in Emily's eyes.

"I'm sorry?"

"The flowers!" he snapped.

Lila looked to Emily for help, but she just shrugged. Lila looked back at Spencer and saw the loathing in his eyes. She never saw him this angry before. Her heart was racing and she was shaking.

"I … I honestly don't know what you are asking me. Do I know the person who sent them? Is it someone I know?" she asked nervously.

Spencer let out a humorless laugh that shook her to the core.

"You think I'm stupid? Just some dumb lovestruck FBI dork. Well, guess what Lila? The man you were able to fool years ago, is not the same one standing before you now," he said with an eerie calm.

"Spencer, what is going on? What did I do? I don't understand?" Lila said as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"You have an hour to pack up your shit and get the fuck out of my house and life for good," he said.

"Spencer, please, don't do this. Tell me what I did so I can fix it," Lila sobbed.

"You deserve an Oscar. This is your best performance yet," Spencer said.

"I'm not acting. I swear to God I have no idea what is happening here," Lila cried.

"One hour, Lila. Not a second longer," he said before storming out of the room.

"Emily?" Lila said with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry."

With that Emily turned and left the room. Humiliated, Lila ran for the bedroom and hurriedly grabbed the essentials, shoving them into her suitcase. Without a second glance at what she may have forgotten she rushed through the living room.

The tension in the small apartment was palpable. She didn't look at anyone as she headed straight for the door and no one said anything to her. She opened the door and closed it quickly before dissolving into more tears. Heart shattered and completely lost.

She swung the door to the apartment complex open and stepped out into the frigid rain. She went to hail a taxi when suddenly her world went black.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was suffering a major depressive episode that was sadly triggered a bit by my writing. I take a lot of pride in what I do and work really hard on my stories, so it hit me a bit harder than usual with some of the criticism._

 _That being said, I do appreciate you all for reading and commenting. I am happy with how I've written this story and I stand behind the ups and downs as I feel it helps my characters grow. Not all stories can be consistently happy and I've always enjoyed throwing conflict into the mix. Maybe because my life is like that. Who knows? Either way, it is what it is._

 _I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know it's more turmoil, but it is driving my story to the ultimate end goal. Thank you for the support xoxo_


	10. Chapter 10

Emily sat in her living room chewing on her fingernails as the days events went over and over in her mind. Something just didn't feel right about what had happened. She tried to call Lila and talk to her about what they had found out, but she didn't answer.

All day her thoughts kept running over the information and her gut kept nagging at her that something was off. She tried to keep herself distracted, but eventually she gave in and called Rossi.

"How is he?" Emily asked.

Rossi and Derek had stayed behind to keep an eye on Spencer. They were worried for his safety and felt his decisions could be compromised by his emotions.

"Still in his room. Possibly sleeping."

"I can't get past this feeling that something isn't right about this," Emily stated.

"You aren't the only one. I think everyone feels that way," Rossi said. "But I imagine it's due to the fact that none of us want to see Reid hurt anymore."

"I guess," Emily said doubtfully.

"What is it?" Rossi said prodded.

"Look, I know she's an actress and like you said, I want to believe she wouldn't do this to Spencer, but she seemed genuinely confused."

"So, you think she was telling the truth?"

Emily sighed as she thought about it more.

"I really do," she said.

"You want to meet at the office?" Rossi suggested.

"I want to look into this further. If she didn't do this, she is in imminent danger," Emily said.

"Should I tell anyone else?"

"Have everyone meet me at the office, except Reid and Morgan. I want Reid kept in the dark for now. If I'm wrong I don't want him to hurt all over again. Let's see if we can clear her name first," Emily said.

"Agreed. See you in a bit," Rossi said before hanging up.

Emily grabbed her things and raced to get to the office.

(xxxxx)

One by one everyone arrived and congregated in the conference room. They all had the same nagging feeling as Emily, that Lila did not send those flowers to herself.

"I spent time with her. There's no way she would manipulate us," Garcia insisted. "She's not that kind of person. You guys are profilers! You know this! You know she's telling the truth!"

Luke gently rubbed Garcia's back as she started getting upset.

"I know she acts for a living, but we've come across sociopaths that were incredible liars and were able to see through them. If we all saw sincerity, I think we have to agree that means something," Luke said.

"Ok, let's do some more digging. Garcia, I want you to track Lila's phone and recent credit card purchases. She's not answering her phone, so I don't know where went after leaving Reid's," Emily delegated.

"The rest of us are going to go through these letters again and start looking over the list of people Lila encounters. We need to start knocking names off this list," Emily said.

(xxxxx)

Spencer was laying in bed staring at the wall. The anger and betrayal he felt was nauseating. How could he have been so stupid to trust her? Never again. He was done with women. From now on it was work and academics.

As he lay there his phone rang. He rolled his eyes and groaned as he sat up to see who it was. It was probably Lila. Isn't that funny how her name has the word lie in it. It was an unknown caller. Spencer let it go to voicemail. Stupid solicitors.

After a few minutes, his phone pinged that he had voicemail. That was odd. Solicitors don't typically leave voice messages. He lifted the phone to his ear to listen to the message.

At first Spencer assumed it was just an accidental pocket call, because all he heard was ruffling and breathing. But then he sat up straight in his bed when he heard whimpering and muffled screaming in the background.

" _Hush little Lila don't say a word  
Daddy's gonna ransom the mockingbird  
And if that mockingbird don't pay  
Lila won't live to see another day?"_

The man laughed before going silent again. Spencer's heart raced as he waited for more information, anything.

" _8_ _th_ _and Atlantic. Find the dogless bark with a knot in its tail."_

Spencer jumped up from the bed and raced from the room, bursting through the door. Morgan jumped up startled from the couch.

"Wha –"

"He has Lila," he said as he ran for the door.

"What? Wait, Reid," Morgan hollered as he ran from the apartment after him.

(xxxxx)

Everyone was flipping through papers, when Emily's phone rang.

"Hey Morgan, how … slow down …" she said causing everyone to stop what they were doing and look at her.

Her face gave nothing away as she listened to Morgan.

"We'll be right there," she said before hanging up.

"Is Spence alright?" J.J. said immediately, terrified he had harmed himself.

"He's fine. It's Lila. She's been kidnapped. Someone is holding her for ransom," she said.

Audible gasps filled the room.

"Dave and I are going to meet Morgan and Reid at a location the kidnapper mentioned on a voicemail. Garcia, I want you to hack Reid's phone and see if you can trace the call. The rest of you, keep working. It's crucial now."

(xxxxx)

The SUV barely stopped before Spencer jumped out of it and ran into the small public park. Morgan was hot on his trail.

"What are we looking for?" Morgan asked.

"He said to look for a dogless bark with a knot in its tail," Spencer stated.

"A what?"

"I'm assuming he's talking about a tree with a noticeable knot somewhere on it or its branches. He thinks he's clever. He's actually quite juvenile," Spencer replied as he surveyed a tree nearest him.

As they continued to look at the trees, Emily and Rossi appeared. Once Spencer recited the riddle to them, they joined in the hunt. Only two minutes later, Emily found the tree. She shined a light into a hole in the tree and saw a piece of paper.

"It's a ransom note. He wants five million dollars delivered here by Friday. If we don't meet his demands he will kill Lila. It also says, in case we think he's joking find the other hole," Emily said.

They quickly circled the tree with Rossi spotting another hole lower down, almost hidden by the tall grass. Emily shined her light into the hole and reached in again, this time pulling out a bag. She opened it and flinched, dropping it to the ground.

Spencer reached for the bag. The sound of his pulse pounded in his ears. He peered into the bag and turned away to vomit in the bushes. Morgan and Rossi looked at one another as they saw the contents of the bag. A bloody finger.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: I just want to give a HUGE shout out to my newest reader Lenkika08 – Gracias por leer mi historia. Me encanta que veas tus comentarios. Espero que sigas disfrutando!_


	11. Chapter 11

The building was hot and humid, despite the fact that it was winter. Lila laid herself flat on the filthy cement floor trying to soak up any cool air that came from the ground. It had been a while since the man who kidnapped her had placed the phone call to someone, she hoped Spencer. After making the call, he disappeared and hadn't been back since.

Lila tried to see if there was a way out, but after exhausting all efforts, she gave up and found the floor. There was a disgusting cot nearby, but she felt better on the ground. Her hands had been uncuffed and she was able to get rid of her gag, not that it helped. No one heard her screaming. She was probably in the middle of nowhere.

She was drifting off to sleep when she heard someone enter the naturally lit room. Someone in black with their face covered in a mask approached her cage. By this time, she had scooted herself as far back into the corner as she possibly could. Her arms wrapped protectively around her knees.

"Don't try anything funny," the man said.

His voice was deep and menacing. It reminded her a bit of the creepy guy that used to host that show _Unsolved Mysteries_. She didn't move an inch as he unlocked the door and carried a tray in. He placed it on the floor and pulled a water bottle from his pocket.

"Eat," he said before walking backwards out of the cage.

He relocked it and walked away. Lila stared at the plate and the water. She wanted it so badly, but what if it was poisoned? After much deliberation, she gave in and crawled over to drink the water and eat the sandwich. She figured poisoning couldn't hurt any worse than dehydration and hunger.

She carefully ate the sandwich, worried that eating and drinking too fast would make her sick. She realized that she was shaking as she lifted the water to her lips. She prayed that someone would find her soon.

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat in the conference room with J.J. and Luke. They were organizing a victim board regarding Lila. They used this to help narrow down their search. Spencer was quickly reading through information regarding each person on Lila's list, when Emily entered the room.

"Good news, bad news," she said, making Spencer's head snap up. "The finger didn't belong to Lila. It actually belonged to her mother, Brandy Archer, whose body was discovered along with Kevin Archer, her father. Rossi and Simmons are on their way to LA to find out more."

Spencer took the pictures of Lila's parents and posted them next to her name and scribbled on sticky notes, deceased which he placed over their heads.

"Anything new?" Emily asked softly.

"We have narrowed the list down halfway at this point," J.J. stated.

Suddenly, Emily's cell phone rang. She speaker-phoned it and held it out for the others to hear.

"Go ahead Garcia," she stated.

"So, I did some digging around and it seems that the Archer's had received a generous $1 million increase in their bank account three weeks ago. Two weeks later, they received an additional $1 million. Where did it come from, you ask? It was transferred from an account linked to Lila's name. The person who transferred the money was Donald Pinski, Lila's manager."

"I want you to send Donald's location to Rossi and Simmons. I want him taken in for questioning," Emily stated.

"I'm on it," Garcia stated before hanging up.

"So, Lila's parents were being blackmailed?" Luke said with a furrowed brow.

"Doubtful. They hated Lila. They wouldn't pay to help her, they would have sold her out for money," Spencer said with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What are you thinking?" Emily asked as she saw the look in Spencer's eyes.

"I think they were involved in her kidnapping, but something went wrong," he said.

"Hopefully, we will find that information out soon," Emily said. "For now, keep searching and if you have any theories, run with them."

(xxxxx)

Darkness had settled over. Lila was still curled up on the floor, hoping to find sleep. She was exhausted, but her body wouldn't relax. It was still running on alert at every sound, which there was plenty of. The glow of the moon gave off little light, but enough that she was relieved. Total darkness would've been too much for her senses to handle.

Her thoughts drifted to Spencer. She wondered if he was looking for her. If he believed her now or if he thought she was in on this too. She couldn't let herself think that way. She had to keep faith that he knew she was in trouble and was coming to rescue her.

She must've fallen asleep at some point because the next thing she knew, she was being dragged out of the cage by her hair. She screamed as the man pulled her along the ground. Her feet flailed as they tried to find traction, but she kept slipping.

Eventually he stopped moving and pressed her forcefully into the cement face down. He tugged her hands behind her back and cuffed her before lifting her off the ground. He sat her down on a wooden chair where he hooked her handcuffs on something to keep her from being able to get up.

"Now, remember to smile pretty for the camera," the man said before slamming his fist into the side of her face.

(xxxxx)

Everyone worked tirelessly through the night. Dave and Matt were searching for Donald Pinski with the help of Garcia and the LAPD, while the others continued their own research. The sun had just risen when Garcia came running into the conference room in a panic.

"Lila! It's Lila!" she panted.

Everyone jumped up, suddenly alert.

"What?" Emily said.

"I got a video. He sent a video," Garcia said as she tried to catch her breath.

With that they all ran to her lair to watch the video that had been sent. She pressed play and leaned back in her chair to watch with the others. On the screen there was a concrete room, with no windows, just a small lightbulb dangling from the ceiling and a wooden chair in the middle of the room.

Screaming and scuffling could be heard off camera. It grew louder and louder until they saw Lila being slammed into the chair and cuffed to it. Other than being sweaty and dirty, she looked to be alright physically.

The man leaned in front of her, blocking her from the camera. He stood up and to their surprise, he slammed his fist into her face. The man stepped behind her and faced the camera, though nothing could be seen. He was covered head to toe in black.

Lila's head was limp and her stringy blonde hair covered her face. The man's hand gently stroked her hair.

"You have two more days until the deadline. My concern is you are going to spend more time trying to find me, than you are getting my money. I want to remind you of how serious I am about my demands."

With that the man flipped open a knife in front of Lila's face. He clutched a chunk of her hair and snapped her head back so her face and neck were clearly seen. Leaning slightly over her, he pressed the blade into her chest and slid it across her skin.

Lila screamed horrendously as a line of blood dripped from the wound. It wasn't enough to kill her, but enough to be painful and frightening.

"Expect to receive more of these reminders. I want my money and I can assure you, you will not find me before Friday. Do the right thing if you want to see Lila alive."

The man walked away to turn off the camera. Lila was sobbing in the chair as the screen went blank. Luke gently massaged Garcia's shoulders as she cried. J.J. had her hand over her mouth in shock, while Emily looked stunned. Spencer, on the other hand, looked wrecked. The guilt written all over his expression.

"Spence –" Emily began.

"This is my fault. If I had believed her, she would've never been taken," he said as his eyes welled up.

"No. He would've found a way to get her. You know this," Emily insisted.

"She needs me and I'm here, no closer to finding her than before," he said as the tears started slowly falling.

"We'll find her. I swear to you we will," Emily said.

"We have to … because if we don't –"

"There is no if. We will find her," Emily said showing the kind of comforting confidence that Hotch had always shown over the years. "Let's get back to work."

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: thanks for the comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter – it may be the last for about a week. I'll be heading out of town and I'm not sure I'll have time to write. It's a possibility, but just a heads up in case! xoxo_


	12. Chapter 12

Spencer stood stiff and still as a statue as he stared at the balding fat man on the other side of the interrogation room mirror. Don Pinski had been brought in for questioning and was being everything except helpful. Rossi and Matt sat in front of him playing good cop, bad cop.

"Here's the thing Don, we know that you are tied up in all of this," Matt said with a bit of anger to his tone.

"But we also know that you never intended to be a part of this. We know that the Archer's must've blackmailed you or set you up to be involved. We know you would never intentionally get involved in a kidnapping, especially with one of your clients," Rossi said softly. "That would ruin you and you worked too hard to have that taken from you."

Don shifted in his chair as he stared at Rossi. It seemed he had struck a nerve with what he had said. He seemed to be on the verge of spilling his guts, but instead he just shook his head.

"No. I don't' know what you are talking about," he huffed.

"Here's the deal Don. If you want to continue to play this charade, when we find out the truth you will be done for. Not only will you face jail time, but your career will be non-existent. Your reputation will be tarnished. No one will ever work with you again," Matt snarled.

Don rolled his eyes, but you the wheels in his head were turning.

"Don, trust me when I tell you that we will find out the truth. Now, you can either cooperate and make a deal with us, or you can get a lawyer and start preparing yourself for the fight of your life. We are trying to help you out here," Rossi urged.

Don folded his fingers together and stared blankly at the table. Matt and Rossi looked at one another, before gathering their things to leave the room. As Matt's hand touched the door handle, Don spoke up.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said.

"Like what?" Rossi asked as they walked back toward the table.

"I didn't want to be a part of this. Kevin was angry that Lila was threatening to quit acting. She kept saying she wanted a simpler life and was tired of all the fame. She was receiving less calls for jobs, which she was ok with.

But Kevin and Brandy wanted to keep living off her success. They remembered how much publicity she made after the last stalking, so they decided to pretend to be a crazy fan. This obviously backfired and made her want to quit even more.

When she ran off to Virginia and they found out, Kevin changed the plan. He hired a guy to kidnap Lila. They would give him the money up front and then whatever they could get from the government, they would split with him.

It was all so stupid and juvenile, but I had to go along with them because they threatened to reveal … something about me that would have a negative impact on my reputation," Don explained.

"What would that be?" Matt asked.

"I'd rather not share that. It is not pertinent to Lila's kidnapping," Don stated.

"We'll decide what is or isn't pertinent," Matt said.

"Look, I told you what I know and why I'm involved. I don't know anything else. I don't know who they hired, I don't know anything other than I was forced to wire $2 million from Lila's account to their accounts," Don said. "If you want to know anymore, you have to ask them."

"We would, but they're dead," Matt said pushing a picture of their bodies toward Don.

Don's eyes grew larger and his jaw dropped open. His face paled as he looked back up at the two agents.

"Oh my God … do I … am I … is this guy gonna kill me too?" he stuttered.

"We will provide protection for you," Rossi said as he gathered the photos back up. "In the meantime, if there is anything else you think we should know that would help us catch this guy faster, let us know."

Don nodded, but he held a terrified stare at the metal table. It seemed he truly didn't know anything else. Matt and Rossi stood up and exited the room. Emily and Spencer were waiting for them on the other side.

"So, the unsub was supposed to gain easy money, but decided to off the parents and do this solo," Emily said thoughtfully.

"Maybe they were planning to go back on their word and he found out," Matt stated.

"It would be like them," Spencer muttered. "If they only gave him $2 million when he was offered 5, might have triggered him. It's also possible that the man just got greedy and figured he'd keep all the money for himself."

"Then why bother offing the parents where we could find them? Why not take them hostage as well?" Rossi wondered.

"It's a message. He wants us to know he has no problem killing and if we don't deliver, he will kill Lila," Spencer said, oddly calm for the topic.

"We need to act fast then. We only have 40 hours before the deadline," Emily said looking at her watch.

At that moment, Luke appeared in the doorway. He looked frustrated and also, a bit sheepish.

"Another video arrived," he said avoiding eye contact with Spencer.

They sighed and followed him to Garcia's lair.

(xxxxx)

Once again, Lila was dragged into the room with the camera. She didn't even put up a fight this time, being too exhausted. She sat limply in the chair as he tied her up.

"You better wake up more. We have a show to put on," he growled in her ear.

"Fuck you."

The man didn't respond. He just rose to his feet and pressed record on the camera.

"We are at 39 hours until the deadline. I hope you have been working hard on getting everything together for me. But to continue with insurance of delivery –"

He walked into the camera's view, still covered from head to toe in black. Slipping behind Lila, he grabbed her jaw roughly and aimed her face at the camera. He flipped the blade open and held it in front of her line of sight. Her eyes grew larger and she began to squirm instinctively.

"Now where should we do this? Should we slice open this beautiful face?"

Lila whimpered as the side of the blade trailed along her cheek.

"Should we cut here?" The blade ran along her neck. "Maybe we should just cut over the wound already opened?"

Lila let out a shriek as the blade poked at her last wound that was still flaming red with dried blood surrounding it. Without warning, he tore her blouse open. Buttons flew across the room as she sat exposed in her baby blue bra. As the knife slid lower, his hands ran over her breasts, making tears stream down her face. He stopped slightly above her belly button.

"This looks good," he said and with that he dug the blade into her skin, slicing open her stomach.

Lila screamed as blood dripped from the shallow, but painful wound. To make matters worse, the man ran his hand across the fresh cut, smearing blood all over her skin, while she let out a blood curdling scream ever.

"39 hours. Don't fuck with me."

(xxxxx)

Spencer sat with his head in his hands. He was trying to control the anger he felt inside. He knew guilt would get them nowhere, but it was hard not to blame himself. She came to him for help and he had let her down. If he had the money, he would give it to the unsub, but being an FBI agent, he knew that it didn't matter. Lila was as good as dead, unless they found her.

"Spence?"

He looked up to see J.J. watching him with sad eyes. He didn't reply to her. Just buried his face again. He didn't have the strength to do more at the moment. He felt her hands gently rubbing his back.

"I wish there was something I could say or do. I feel helpless," she said softly, her voice dangerously close to breaking.

"Don't we all?" he mumbled.

"Garcia is going through the Archer's phone records to see who they talked to in the past month."

Spencer didn't respond. There was no point. This was all just talk to give him hope when he had none to begin with. The odds of finding Lila were growing slimmer by the second. He took a deep breath and stood up, startling J.J.

"Spence?"

"We have to get back to work," he said stone-faced.

"If you need a minute –"

"We don't have a minute."

With that the stormed out of the room.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: I'm back from my trip. Hope you enjoy the newest update! xoxo_


	13. Chapter 13

Spencer looked at the clock feeling more nauseous by the minute. It was now nearly 30 hours until the money was due and Lila would be taken permanently from him. He didn't think he could handle watching another video. Watching her suffer because of him was torture to his soul. Every second she screamed in pain, he felt his lungs close tightly.

"Spence?"

He looked up from his desk to see Emily watching him empathetically.

"Thought I'd let you know that we think we have a lead. One of the Archer's neighbors saw a black four door sedan sitting outside their house the last day they were seen alive. Garcia is looking through their home surveillance videos as well."

She gave him a hopeful smile, but Spencer frowned.

"Emily, we've been doing this job a long time to know the odds of getting her out alive."

"We also know how many times we've defeated those odds."

He sighed as Emily walked over and sat on his desk, looking down at him. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder and he looked up at her pathetically through his lashes.

"We can't go into a situation assuming the worst. Lila needs you Spence. You can't give up on her, she needs you to be strong."

He knew she was right. He had to stop wallowing in self-pity and focus on finding her before it was too late.

(xxxxx)

Lila laid on the smelly cot curled up in pain. Her stomach throbbing from the giant wound. She used her torn shirt to help clot the blood and help the ache subside. Her head was beginning to throb from lack of food and water. She tried to sleep but the pain kept waking her any time she dozed off.

It felt as though no time had passed before the man wandered in again, ready for more torture.

"Please," she begged weakly. "Whatever you want, it's yours. You can have everything. All of my money, my cars, my house, my jewelry, anything – it's yours. Just please, let me go."

The man said nothing, just tugged on her arms, trying to force her off the cot.

"Please don't do this. I can't take anymore," she sobbed.

"You can and you will," he said flatly.

Lila cried as he guided her worn body toward the room. As they walked slowly, she noticed something lying on the ground. She pretended to trip and stumbled onto the floor. The man huffed in anger as he lifted her roughly back up. He never noticed the paper she held crumbled up in her fist.

(xxxxx)

Emily was glad Spencer opted to keep searching the surveillance video rather than watch the newest video of Lila that arrived. In this one, the unsub carved ' _30 hours_ ' into the length of her left leg. On her right _'or else'_ was written.

The nausea Emily felt was unreal. She couldn't imagine how Spencer would've dealt with seeing this. Only herself, Rossi, Matt, and Luke stayed to watch. When the video ended, all of their faces were as pale as ghosts.

"This guy really finds pleasure in torturing her," Luke sighed.

"And us," Rossi added.

"Whatever low-life they decided to hire, they clearly chose one who had a few screws loose," Matt said.

"Wherever he took her, its clearly isolated. That amount of screaming would alarm someone if they were in the vicinity," Emily said as she paced the room. Her hand resting on her chin thoughtfully.

"He's obviously not new to this type of situation. He's been very careful about his identity and there are no giveaways, clues to where he might be hiding," Luke stated. "Not to mention, he's stumped our computer goddess in being able to cover his cyber tracks."

They all glossed over the fact that Luke openly spoke highly of Garcia. He usually kept his remarks playful and taunting. Had it been any other case, they might have razzed him for having a crush on her, but now was not the time to make a big deal of it.

"When he cuts her, there's a disturbing calm about him. If this was the first time he tortured a victim, he'd likely be messier and more nervous. He is way too confident about his work," Matt said.

"I'll have Garcia look into victims in or around the LA area that may have similar wounds. Could possibly lead to something if he has a pattern," Emily said before turning and walking out of the room.

(xxxxx)

The man, unceremoniously, shoved Lila onto the cot. She let out a yelp of pain as her wounds protested. She heard the cage lock behind her as she tried to find a comfortable position to lay in. It was no use. No matter how she laid, her body ached.

Leaning over the side of the bed, she began retching. Her stomach emptying what little contents it had, until all that was left was mucus. She flopped onto the bed before digging the paper out of her pocket. Earlier when the man turned his back to her, she shoved it into her pocket, hoping he wouldn't find it. She cried as the pain radiated through her with each movement.

Finally, she got the paper out and leaned back on the bed, trying to catch her breath. The room was fuzzy as she tried to remain conscious. Sweat was forming on her brow as she started shivering. Her body was going into shock. Knowing her time was short, she read the paper, which turned out to be a receipt, before stuffing it into a crack in the wall.

She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. Thankfully, her body knew she was in danger and decided to cut her a break. She slipped into oblivion.

(xxxxx)

The team was becoming frustrated and anxious as the clock ticked down. Rossi and J.J. were taking it the hardest, as they had already been first hand witnesses to the death of Spencer's first love, Maeve. They didn't want him to go through that heartache again. J.J. worried this loss would be the end of him, as he barely made it through last time.

The 20-hour mark struck and much to Emily's dismay, Spencer decided he needed to see the next video. She tried to convince him that there was nothing to be gained from watching, but he felt it was an important part of profiling and he needed to be there.

Garcia reluctantly pressed play before scurrying from the room with J.J. Neither of them could stomach what was happening. Spencer stood with his fists clenched tight as he stared hard at the screen. Emily and Rossi alternated watching his reactions, clearly concerned for his wellbeing.

Lila was once again strapped to the chair. She was barely conscious at this point. Her body drained of any color, except for the enflamed wounds along her body. The unsub gave his normal warning, when Lila started crying out random words.

"A BEAR! I SEE A BEAR! LOTS OF BEARS! THAT ONE IS A GENERAL! YES SIR, GENERAL BEAR! I WILL FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS, SIR!" she was shouting.

The unsub watched her curiously as she flopped around in the chair hallucinating.

"YES, SIR GENERAL SIR! 1 … 1 … 7 … 7 … NUMBERS, SIR! I SEE NUMBERS! FLYING ALL AROUND ME! 1721 HOUR, SIR! WATCH IT! WATCH IT, SIR!"

Walking in front of her, the unsub reached out and slapped her hard across the face. Lila groaned as her head flopped to the side. Suddenly, unleashing a rage they hadn't seen before, he began swinging his arms at her face over and over. Emily turned her head into Dave's shoulder, he wrapped an arm around her comfortingly.

When the unsub finished and walked towards the camera to turn off the recording, something caught Spencer's eyes.

"Look! Look!" he said pointing at the screen.

Lila was mouthing something, as blood dripped from her split lip. Despite that, she looked more alert with the unsub's back to her. They leaned over and stared at the screen carefully. When the clip ended, Luke jumped into Garcia's chair and rewound the video to watch that part again.

"I am, something," Matt said.

"There's an N in it," Emily stated.

"Sane. I am sane," Spencer said as he stood up straight. "She was sending us a message. She wasn't hallucinating. Everything she was yelling meant something."

"Matt, go get J.J. and Garcia and meet us in the conference room," Emily said with excitement in her eyes.

He dashed off as the others hustled to the conference room. A pep in all of their steps.


	14. Chapter 14

Spencer stood in front of the white board staring at the words he had written. They were the exact words that Lila had been shouting. He had circled the things that she repeated or seemed important – bear, general, sir, 1, 7, 1721, and watch it.

Everyone was calling out things that could relate to it, but at the moment nothing seemed to make sense. It had been nearly an hour that they had been at this.

"Black, brown, polar, panda –"

Spencer turned to look at Garcia, who was staring at the board thoughtfully. She noticed his curious glare and shrugged.

"I don't know. What if she literally meant a bear, there are so many types," she said a little timidly.

"Kodak, sloth," Luke said as he nodded to Garcia to continue.

"Uh, Blue, Grizzly, Gobi –"

Spencer's face lit up as he ran back to the board. He quickly scribbled Grizzly onto the board and behind it wrote General Store.

"Grizzly's General Store," Rossi said in understanding. "I've been to that place before. It's like an old Mom and Pop country store."

"So, what's 1, 1, 7, 7, 1721?" Garcia wondered.

"Do 11 and 77 mean anything? Spence, any math equations that make sense?" J.J. asked.

Spencer looked to the sky for a moment as he calculated all the possible answers he could, but ultimately shook his head no.

"What about military time? 1721 would be 5:21pm," Matt offered.

"But that leaves us with 11, 77, which doesn't make a time," J.J. said.

"What if it's not a time. What if she repeated those two numbers for emphasis. What if she is telling us to look at Grizzly's General Store on January 7 at 5:21pm," Spencer said as it all started to come together.

"She must've found a receipt," Luke said with a hint of a smile.

"Garcia, I want you and Dave to go to Grizzly's and get that security footage," Emily ordered.

Garcia didn't waste a second in jumping from her chair and running in her heels awkwardly out of the room with Dave following quickly behind.

"We've almost got her," Emily said to Spencer with a glow in her eyes.

He took a deep breath and nodded as he waited for good news.

(xxxxx)

Lila was in trouble. More than she already was. As the hours ticked by she was growing sicker by the minute. More often than not she was unconscious. Her body raging with a fever as it tried desperately to fight off whatever was infecting her.

She heard a sound outside of her cage. Her head lolled to the side to see the man had returned to shove a plate of bread and a cup of water through the bars. She didn't move, not for lack of wanting. She was too weak to move.

"Please, I'm sick," she muttered.

"Eat. Drink. It'll help," he grumbled.

"No, I need a doctor. Please."

"You only have one day left to live anyway. It really doesn't matter whether I do it or your body does."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"For money," he said as though that were obvious.

"No. If … this were … about … money," she took a wheezing breath in as she tried to talk through the pain. "You wouldn't … hurt me."

"Don't fool yourself doll. I do whatever it takes to get my money. If it means gutting pretty rich bitches like you to show I'm not fucking around, then so be it."

"So, what happened … you were poor? Some … assholes with," wheeze, cough. "With money … they treat you … like shit?"

"Not just me. My Mom too. Treated us like some fuckin roaches infesting the earth. Wanted us to clean up after their lavish piece of shit lifestyles, paid us some shitty allowance, and then degrade us whenever they had a chance.

We were a fuckin joke and you know what happened? My Mom got sick with cancer and they fired her. Said she was useless if she couldn't clean. She had no money to care for herself. Wound up fuckin dyin on the streets because no one would help her. All these rich ass mother fuckers, and no one could give her a damn penny!"

With that he reached in for Lila's food and water, chucking them both across the room angrily.

"You fuckin rich douche bags deserve whatever happens to you! I enjoy hearing you all scream as I slice you to pieces. And the best fuckin part is, no amount of money will really save you because I make sure you die either way. I get my fuckin money and you go straight to hell where you belong."

Lila wanted to try and connect with him. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for what happened to him and his mother. That she would never turn her back on anyone like that. That she was trying to live a quiet life, away from money and fame because she too disliked the way it made others act entitled and selfish. But he stormed away and she didn't have the strength to call out to him.

"Fuck," she sighed as the far door slammed shut, leaving her alone again.

She closed her eyes and prayed that Spencer understood her message and soon fell out of consciousness again.

(xxxxx)

Emily's phone rang and she quickly answered it.

"Give us good news, Garcia," she said as she put the call on speaker phone.

"Jerry Adam Mitchell. Age 33. Listed as a freelance maintenance worker. Jack of all trades, so to speak. His mom passed away from colon cancer 16 years ago. Lived on the streets with her until the time of her death, when he was taken in by an elderly gentleman named Christopher Russell. Christopher racked up quite the rap sheet in his youth. Passed away 3 years ago of a heart attack.

He currently lives in LA, but we know he is town here. I'm already on the laptop researching any connections or purchases he may have made to tie him to our city, since he's been here a bit surveying Lila.

"Did he frequent that establishment often?" Emily asked.

"Unfortunately, no. They didn't recognize him as a regular."

"He's smart enough to shop at different stores each time. The less people recognized him, the better off he was," Spencer said.

"Well, we know he's been staying somewhere close to Lila. He needed to be able to track her and learn her routine," Emily stated.

"But he's not keeping her here. He took her somewhere else. He wouldn't risk being seen or heard," Spencer said.

"Ok, so we need to search all the surrounding areas that have any properties that are secluded and see if they have a connection to Jerry."

"I'm on it," Garcia said before hanging up.

"Is everyone ready to go? The second that call comes in from Garcia, we go," Emily said firmly while the others nodded.

Time was of the essence and the clock was rapidly approaching the deadline. They were all on the edge of their seats waiting for good news.


	15. Chapter 15

Spencer nervously fiddled with his Kevlar vest as they drove to the site where it was believed Lila was being held captive. They had just about 5 hours before the deadline, but hoped they were able to catch Jerry by surprise.

He stared out the dark window, leg shaking anxiously, as he bit his bottom lip. He felt a hand lay gently on his knee and turned to see J.J. watching him. He knew she was just as afraid of a Maeve repeat as he was, but she gave him a small smile of encouragement. He placed his hand over hers and held it tightly the remainder of the ride.

As they turned down a darkened dirt road, Matt flipped off his lights, leaving the light of the moon to guide him. He drove carefully toward the worn down, dilapidated mansion that once belonged to Marvin Witsfield. Marvin was serving life in prison for murdering up to 130 people and that was all that was known, it was suspected there may be more.

When a job needed to be done privately, it ended up happening at Witfield Manor. No one ever suspected Marvin, until 2004 when one of his victims managed to escape alive. It was said that criminals continued to use that home to conduct business, but no one had ever been caught doing so.

The car stopped and Spencer dove out of the car. He was shocked to be blocked immediately by Emily.

"Listen to me, I know you want to save her, but you have to keep your head focused. Don't do anything stupid, do you hear me?"

Spencer nodded, but internally he knew he would do whatever it took to protect Lila. Even if it went against protocol. Emily separated the team, he was paired with Luke. They were sent to the back entrance.

The house was decrepit and no lights seemed to be on. He hoped they had the right place. Luke peered into a few of the back windows before lightly turning the door knob. It was locked. Spencer pulled a pointy piece of metal from his pocket and bent down to pick the lock.

After only seconds, the bolt unlatched and they opened the door slowly. It made a horrendously loud creek. They both stood still and held their breaths, waiting to be caught. When no one seemed to be coming, they both entered the home with their guns held out in front of them.

They whispered their clearances into the com-link after each room, as they heard the others do the same. Spencer came upon a door and pulled it open to clear it, but it lead to a basement. He tilted his head a few times to signal for Luke to follow him.

They slowly made their way down the stairway. The stench was putrid the further down they got. A light could be seen at the opposite end of the room. As they walked toward it, Luke spotted the cage Lila had been kept in.

Using his flashlight, he lit up the small space. The mattress was soiled with bodily fluids and blood. On the floor were dried up piles of vomit that were infested with bugs and rats. Spencer continued forward. As they neared the lit room, the sound of metal clinking together could be heard as well as soft whimpers.

This made Spencer move quicker, with Luke hustling directly behind him. Just outside the door, Luke gave Spencer the countdown and then kicked the door in. The loud explosion, startled Jerry who had been standing over Lila's body with a bloody knife in his hand. She was wearing nothing but her underwear and a bra, strapped to a wooden table, though she didn't look like she needed to be restrained with how weak she was. Her head flopped to the side as she gave whispered "Spence," in relief.

"Drop the knife," Luke ordered. "It's over, Jerry. There's no escaping this."

Jerry stood with the knife still positioned over Lila, staring at them with a look of excitement in his eyes.

"So, you figured it out. You're more clever than I expected," he said with a smile.

"Put the knife down and back away from her, now," Spencer growled as he cocked his gun and took aim.

"We don't want to shoot you –" Luke started.

"You may not, but he sure does," Jerry laughed as he watched Spencer carefully. "Go ahead. Shoot me."

Spencer was tempted. His finger was on the trigger and he was so ready to pull it and watch this man take his final breath. But he lowered his weapon. He wasn't a monster. He couldn't let these horrible people change who he truly was.

"You have no other options. Just put down the knife and surrender," he said with confidence.

Jerry watched him curiously through squinted eyes, before slowly making his way around the table, closer to Spencer. He stopped at the end of the table with the knife still in his hand. In the blink of an eye, he spun with the knife right near Lila's throat.

"NO!"

Spencer dove at Jerry, plowing both of them down against the hard cement floor. The two wrestled along the floor, the knife flying across the ground after Spencer slapped it away. Suddenly as if flashing back to eight years ago, in the home of Aaron Hotchner, Spencer sat on top of Jerry casting blow after blow with his fists.

At some point, he felt arms wrap around him, pinning his arms to his body. He was dragged off the bloody mess of Jerry, though he tried to fight whoever was pulling him away.

"Spencer, stop it. It's over."

Spencer looked at the body laying in front of him as he shook frantically. He felt out of his body momentarily. He looked over his shoulder to see Rossi watching him sympathetically. He scrambled to his feet and hurried to Lila's side, where Emily and J.J. worked on unstrapping her. She was barely conscious as he leaned over her.

"You … came," she said weakly.

"I'm so sorry," was all he could think to say as tears streamed from his eyes. His hands gently laying on the less injured side of her face.

"It's ok. I'll be fine."

"I love you," he whispered as he placed a soft kiss to her terribly chapped lips.

"Too," was all she could manage.

Once unstrapped from the table, Spencer scooped her into his arms and carried her through the house. She didn't even have the strength to wrap her arms around him. She just laid limply in his arms, though she was snuggled close to his body.

"Hang in there. We're almost there," he said as he rushed up the stairway.

Once he stepped out into the cold night, he could see two ambulances waiting along with dozens of police cars. It was a flurry of activity, but soon Lila was being loaded onto a stretcher and he was being dragged away to be fussed over by an EMT.

"I need to stay with her," he insisted in a daze.

"You need to be looked at, agent," the woman said to him.

"No, I'm fine."

"Agent, you are bleeding heavily. I'm sure stitches are going to be necessary."

"Huh?" he said looking down at his slightly cut and swollen knuckles.

Spencer looked in confusion at the woman, who pointed to his abdomen. Looking down he saw just below his vest his white shirt was saturated in blood.

"It must be Lila's," he said as he touched it.

At that moment, the adrenaline started to wear off as he studied the injury. Suddenly the pain in his side was apparent. He pressed his hand against it and looked to the EMT in shock.

"We have another injury over here," she hollered to her co-worker, who came rushing over with a stretcher.

This caught the attention of Emily who hurried over to see what was going on.

"Spence?"

When he looked her way, she was startled to see how pale he was. His eyes large with worry and sweat pouring down his face. She saw the blood covering his hand that clutched his side.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," he muttered.

One of the male EMT's was taking off Spencer's Kevlar vest, as Luke and Matt appeared.

"What's going on?" Luke asked.

Spencer was being ordered to lie down on the stretcher, though he was fighting it. He kept insisting he go with Lila.

"He must've taken a hit when he tackled Jerry," Luke said to Emily.

"Spence, listen, you need to get that looked at. The second you are cleared you can go to Lila," Emily said as she tried to help calm him down.

"I'll go with her. I'll keep an eye on her for you," J.J. said, seeming to come out of nowhere.

Spencer looked to her and their eyes locked.

"The faster you get looked at the faster you get to her," Emily said.

Spencer took a deep breath and flinched at the pain now radiating through his body. He nodded as he laid down, but reached out for J.J.

"Please take care of her," he said gripping her hand.

"I promise."

With that, the EMT's wheeled Spencer toward the waiting ambulance and sped off as J.J. hopped aboard with Lila.


	16. Chapter 16

The monitor beeped steadily next to Lila as she lay sleeping. Every hour or so, a nurse would come in check her vitals, make any necessary adjustments or replace her saline bag before leaving. The entire time, Spencer sat quietly by her side. He had been released after receiving 31 stitches in his lower abdomen, thankfully it was only a flesh wound with no internal damage.

His knuckles were bruised and littered with cracks from splitting open, but the doctor felt if he took it easy for the week, they'd heal fine. He declined the offer for prescription medication, though sitting in the chair, now, he wished he had something to ease the ache in his side and hands.

Part of him felt that he deserved to sit and suffer after everything Lila had been through. He was tortured and all because of his insecurities. Sure, she walked out on him years ago, but was that the same as pretending to be stalked for attention? If he had only listened to her. Let her talk it out. Investigated it better.

A soft moan interrupted his thoughts. His eyes snapped to Lila who was moving her head slowly from side to side. Her eyes cracked open and she flinched from the bright lights. Spencer jumped from his seat and flipped off some of the light switches.

As he was walking back to the bed, Lila popped up suddenly and began frantically clawing at the tubes in her arms. She was panting heavily as Spencer ran to her.

"Lila! No! Stop, you're safe! It's ok!" he said as he grasped her hands and pulled them away.

To his surprise, she began screaming at the top of her lungs as he tried to hold her thrashing body down. All while trying to soothe her.

"Lila! It's Spencer! Look at me, Lila!"

The doors burst open in the room and two nurses ran toward him.

"Sir, please move."

Spencer gawked at the nurse, completely freezing up. His hands still grasping Lila.

"She woke up and tried to rip –"

They weren't listening to him. He watched as the two women held her down and said things he couldn't hear to her. Another nurse entered the room with a needle and gently pressed it into Lila's arm. She continued to squirm for a few more seconds before becoming lethargic.

"Alright, sweetheart. I know you've been through something awful, but you are safe here. We need you to keep these in and not pull them out," the nurse said holding up another needle to replace the one Lila had pulled out.

After a few minutes, everything had been hooked back up and Lila was laying back in her bed staring blankly at the far wall. One of the nurses said something to Spencer, but again, he didn't compute any of it. He walked slowly toward the bed and stood next to it.

"Lila," he said timidly.

She lolled her head to his side, but she clearly wasn't present. Her eyes were glazed and distant. It was as though she were looking straight through him. He reached out and gently touched the top of her hand. She didn't flinch, but didn't react to it either.

He didn't know what to say to her. He doubted she'd understand anything he said anyway. He sat back down in his chair, buried his face in her bed, and cried until he fell asleep from exhaustion.

(xxxxx)

It had been a few days and Lila wasn't improving mentally. Her physical wounds were healing, but the fear and anxiety were continuing. She always woke screaming, hyperventilating, or crying. Much to Spencer's dismay, and avid protests, they put restraints on Lila's arms to keep her from pulling any of the equipment off of herself.

This, as Spencer expected, caused more panic. It made her think she was still being held captive, which he believed intensified her PTSS. He tried many times to explain this to the nurses and the doctors, but they insisted that it was necessary until she didn't need to be on IVs any longer.

Finally, on the sixth morning at the hospital, she was deemed healthy enough to be removed from the IVs, which allowed her to be unrestrained as well. She was scheduled to speak with the trauma counselor that afternoon. Spencer wondered how that would go, since Lila wouldn't speak to anyone, including him.

He didn't think she was mad at him. Though he couldn't tell since she spent most of the day staring blankly at objects in the room. She ignored any questions the nurses and the doctors asked her. When they would ask her to do things for checkups, she ignored anything that she didn't absolutely have to do.

She picked at her meals, eating just enough to silence everyone. It was as though she were a robot. There was no life in her eyes. She was lost in her mind and not willing to open up to anyone. That's why Spencer was caught off guard when she suddenly spoke that morning.

"What happened?"

Spencer's eyes shot to hers and he looked at her as if he was hearing things. Her gaze stayed unblinking at the dull patchwork blanket on her hospital bed. He didn't know what to say, as her question wasn't completely clear.

"What happened to me?" she repeated.

Spencer stood up and hovered at the side of her bed awkwardly.

"Um, you were kidnapped –"

"I know that. I meant, like who was the guy that took me and why did he do it?"

Her voice was gruff and low. He wasn't sure if that was from lack of using her voice for days. If it had been damaged from screaming so much. Whatever the reason, it pained him to hear it sound so broken.

"His … uh … name was Jerry Adam Mitchell. He was a freelance maintenance technician," Spencer began.

Lila's eyes snapped up to his. It shook him to see the vacant look in her beautiful green eyes. She watched him intently, waiting for more information.

"He was known to take any job offered. Even if it was illegal."

"So, someone hired him to kill me?"

Spencer rubbed his neck uncomfortably.

"Not exactly, no," he said.

"Spencer, I want to know what happened. Don't you dare think of keeping anything from me. After everything, the least you can do is be honest with me," she said with a hint of anger.

Those words punched him right in the gut. The guilt was already overwhelming, but knowing she obviously was angry with him for what he did was nearly crippling.

"Uh, yea, ok. Your … parents … they paid him to kidnap you for ransom. They … uh, planned to … split the money with Jerry. He had other ideas though. Decided to keep it, um, for himself," he explained nervously.

Lila let out a humorless laugh and shook her head.

"Of course," she muttered.

"Lila … Jerry … he, um, he killed your parents," he continued, remembering the last time he had kept a murder a secret from her, how angry she got.

She stared at him, stone-faced. For a profiler, he was baffled as to what she was thinking. She looked away from him and her gaze went back to her blanket.

"Um, are you alright?" he asked timidly.

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"I know your parents were … not good people –"

"Good people? That's putting it mildly. Let me ask you Spencer, if someone called and told you your dad was dead, would you shed a tear for him?"

He pondered this question and honestly, didn't have a good answer. He supposed it wouldn't emotionally affect him. However, would he be ok with it if his father had been murdered? It seemed to be an apple, orange comparison really.

His dad walked out on him and his mom, but he never had Spencer kidnapped and nearly murdered. So, that wasn't really a fair question to ask. He never got a chance to respond though as Lila had laid back in her bed, curled up under the blanket, with her back to Spencer.

He lifted his hand wanting to reach out and comfort her, but instead he turned and walked back to sit in the chair. He watched her body shake as she cried silently until eventually she fell asleep.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: Thanks for the very few who comment. I appreciate your support and for taking the time out to write me. It makes me feel good to know you enjoy what I work so hard on writing._

 _I apologize for the delay, I have been sick with a cold that had my head pounding! Which obviously makes it difficult to write!_

 _Hope you enjoyed Matthew's CM episode the other night! I always love his episodes and this one didn't disappoint. Especially loved all the new Halloween things Matthew and his fans posted on IG. He is beyond too precious – we don't deserve that angel!_

 _Anyway, thanks again! xoxo_


	17. Chapter 17

Lila sat staring at the food in front of her.

"I know it's not caviar, but you need to try and eat," Spencer said with a teasing tone.

Lila pushed the table away.

"I'm not hungry," she said.

Spencer rolled his eyes.

"You know the doctor said he won't consider releasing you until he sees that you're doing better," he said as he pushed the table back in front of her.

"I'm better," she snarled as she pushed the table away.

"No, you're not," he said as he pushed it back.

"You can keep pushing it back in front of me all you want. I'm not eating."

"Why are you being so stubborn?" he said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said sarcastically. "I'm a bit nauseous from all the medicine they keep pumping into me. Forgive me if I don't exactly have an appetite for mashed potatoes that look like they could hold bricks together and a piece of turkey that a dog wouldn't eat."

"You're being dramatic," he said as he peered at the food in front of her.

"Dramatic, huh? Dramatic like how? Like when you accused me of pretending to be in danger? That kind of dramatic?" she said with her lip curled in anger.

Spencer felt that blow straight in his gut. He looked down at his feet and tried to shake it off.

"Please at least try to eat. How about the roll?"

Lila picked up the roll and threw it across the room. He dodged it as it flew past his head and bounced off the wall. He looked back at her incredulously.

"How's that for dramatic?" she said.

Spencer sighed and walked out of the room. He needed to take a breather before he started yelling at her. He shut the door and leaned against it with his eyes shut. Since the moment she woke up, she had been nothing but difficult.

Her bratty, diva theatrics were tossed at anyone who bothered to step into her room. He didn't like this Lila and hoped that it was only temporary.

"Spence?"

His eyes opened to see J.J. watching him. She had a bag in her hand and a pink teddy bear in her arms.

"I wouldn't go in there," he said with a sigh.

"Is she ok?"

"Physically, yes," he said.

"What's going on?"

Spencer walked over to a bench and plopped down heavily. J.J. followed quickly behind.

"She's unbearable, Jayje. She has been lashing out at everyone for everything."

"Can you blame her? She just went through hell and survives it to find out her own parents had been the ones to set it up."

"I get that. I really do, but she's … I dunno … J.J. she's awful to be around. I'm really struggling to be supportive. She makes me want to throw my hands up and walk away and I've been dealing with a paranoid Schizophrenic for 28 years," he said exasperated.

J.J. placed her hand on his and held it tightly.

"Spence, I know it's hard, but, honey, she is doing this to push you away. You see that, don't you? She is terrified right now and her sense of betrayal is overwhelming. Her parents had her kidnapped and despite our good intentions, we all let her down."

"She said she understood –"

"I'm sure she does. In her heart she knows that we were duped and would never intentionally hurt her, but that doesn't stop her mind from trying to tell her otherwise. It's going to take time for her to believe that there are people who genuinely love and care for her. Right now, she won't see that. She can't see that."

Spencer ran his fingers through his already messy hair.

"Think about it like this. You love and trust Emily, right?"

His head shot up to look at her in surprise.

"Yes, absolutely."

"Ok, but how about after she didn't believe you that Lindsey had kidnapped your mom?"

His face paled slightly at the memory. He was so furious with Emily. In fact, he swore he would never forgive her if something had happened to his mom. But, once he processed everything that happened and went through counseling, he understood why it would be so hard to believe.

If he had been in Emily's shoes, he would've thought the same thing she did. It didn't make any sense and who would've believed the amount of effort Cat Adams had put into her revenge. Truthfully, it still seemed more like a story than something that had really happened to him.

"Yea," he muttered as it all sunk in.

"I know it's not easy dealing with someone who is trying to desperately push you away, but that's when they need you the most. My mom once told me, the angrier the person, the more love that they need."

Spencer looked up at his friend. The corner of his mouth turning upward slightly.

"Jennifer Jareau, you are an amazing person," he said as he squeezed her hand.

"As are you," she said leaning into his shoulder where she bumped him playfully. "Now, take this into her and tell her the boys send their love."

He nodded and stood up. J.J. followed suit. To her surprise, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Any time," she said hugging him back.

After separating, Spencer turned and walked back into the room. Waving goodbye to J.J. one more time. He walked toward the bed, where Lila stared angrily at the TV. She glanced his way and did a double take.

"What's that?"

"J.J. dropped it off for you. She said the boys send their love," he said gently as he handed her the bag and the bear.

Lila's eyes softened slightly as she picked up the bag and peered inside. She pulled out a stack of puzzle books, an adult coloring book, some gel pens, and a pillow shaped like a heart. She unfolded a letter stuffed inside and read it out loud.

 _Dear Lila,_

 _I hope you are feeling better. Mom said you might be bored so we bought you some things to have fun with. Don't let Uncle Spencer play with the puzzle books. He will finish it all before you get to play with it. Also, Michael thought you would like a different pillow cause he said hospital pillows are white. I don't know what that means, but he's only 3, so who knows what he means._

 _Mom said when you are better we can come visit you or you can come visit us. I think you'd have more fun at my house. I have lots of cool toys and video games._

 _Love,  
Henry_

 _PS  
The bear is from me. When I'm sick my mom and dad always give me my favorite stuffed animal to hold and it makes it a little better. I thought you might like a pink one cause that's a girl color._

Lila's eyes welled up with tears as she picked up the bear and held it to her chest.

"He's right," Spencer said softly.

Lila looked up at him questioningly.

"You should keep those puzzles away from me."

For the first time since her rescue, Lila laughed. There she was. The Lila he remembered. The Lila he loved. She was still in there. J.J. was right. He had to keep pushing back. He wasn't going to let her chase him away.

"How about if I take a ride to Pete's Diner and get your favorite?" he said as he sat on the side of her bed. "With a chocolate milkshake?"

Lila peered up at him through her lashes sheepishly.

"With extra whipped cream?" she said.

Spencer smiled and nodded. He patted her hand and started to stand up, but was stopped by her hand grasping his. He sat back down and looked at her curiously.

"I'm sorry," she said in a low, shamed tone.

He gave her an understanding smile. "I know." He leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly to her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. As long as you want me by your side, I will be there. Do you understand? Nothing will take me away from you ever again. Not even when you throw dinner rolls at my head."

Lila giggled and nodded as their foreheads pressed together. Her hands tangled in his curls.

"I love you, Lila," he said before pressing his lips to hers.

She kissed him back tenderly.

"I love you too," she replied as tears slid down her cheeks.

His thumb gently brushed away the lines it left on her face.

"Get some rest. I'll go get you something to eat," he said giving her one more chaste kiss.

Lila nodded as he stood up and walked out of the room. She placed the bag of goodies to the side and snuggled into the pillows with her new bear and a smile on her face. She could get through this. Everything would be ok as long as Spencer was by her side.


	18. Chapter 18

**WARNING: sensitive material in this chapter**

(xxxxx)

That was, of course, easier said than done. Once she had been released from the hospital, things didn't get any better. She hardly slept, due to nightmares, her appetite was almost non-existent, and her anger with the world was on display more often than not. Spencer had taken some time off work to help Lila adjust, but those two weeks had flown by.

Truth be told, Spencer was relieved to get a break from her. He was exhausted from the many mood swings of Lila. He stuck by her side through it all, but it was taking a toll on him physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"You look like hell, kid."

Spencer looked up from where he stood pouring coffee to see Rossi staring at him. He gave a weak smile and a humorless chuckle.

"I feel like it too."

"I take it Lila is still sorting out her emotions?"

"That's a kind way of saying she's crazy," Spencer replied.

Rossi held back a laugh. "Ah, my dear boy. I seem to remember a young man who went through quite a range of emotions himself barely a year ago," Rossi said.

Spencer sighed and leaned against the counter. He took a slow sip of his coffee.

"Was I that bad?"

"Well, not being around Lila personally, it sounds like she may be a little more … enthusiastic about it than you were. But then again, women usually are more passionate when it comes to their feelings. I should know. I got to experience it first hand at least three times."

"I'm trying really hard to be supportive, but she is making it so difficult. Yesterday, she took an entire loaf of bread and threw it out the window because I tried to get her to eat a piece of toast. Oh, and, a couple days ago, I suggested she take a bath to soothe her nerves. She went on a rant about how I must think she smells bad and if she is so smelly I should just leave.

I tried to tell her I just thought it would be relaxing and she screamed 'how can I relax with you constantly bugging me?' So, I go to my room, leave her alone, and not 20 minutes later, she's bitching at me for not giving her enough attention. It's like no matter what I do, it's not good enough. I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm exhausted and after the past couple years, I just don't think I can continue like this."

Rossi's face showed his sympathy and understanding. He walked over and placed his hand gently on Spencer's shoulder.

"Give it time. I know that is easier said than done, but you are all she has left and right now, Lila doesn't know which way to turn. She is terrified and trying to learn to cope with all the trauma. Is she going to therapy?"

Spencer nodded.

"Good, that will help. Have you considered going with her or on your own?" Spencer's brow furrowed. "You are suffering as much as she is. It wouldn't be a bad idea to learn how to cope with all of this yourself."

Rossi squeezed Spencer's shoulder and then gave it a few pats.

"Think about it and until then, remember we are all here for you and Lila. We will help in any way we possibly can."

"Thanks."

Rossi nodded before exiting the room. Spencer waited a few moments before following quickly behind.

(xxxxx)

Lila sat on the bed, in the darkness, staring at the wall. In her arms she clutched Spencer's pillow. It smelled like him. When he was gone everything seemed twice as frightening, so having a little reminder of him helped ease her fears slightly.

She had been waiting for Spencer to get home from work for over an hour now. She worried all day that he wouldn't come home. Either due to injury or because of her behavior. Mostly because of her behavior. She knew she had been awful to him since being rescued. She knew it, but it didn't stop her brain from firing out insults and irrational anger.

Her therapist assured her that in time she would be able to control that part of her brain again. That right now she was suffering severe PTSS. But how long before she wore Spencer down and he no longer wanted to deal with her mood swings?

It probably would be best if she hadn't been born. She wondered why her parents had her anyway. They clearly hated her. They had always used her as their golden ticket to riches and fame. She was quickly losing Spencer and soon would have nothing.

With swollen bright red eyes and a tear stained face, she stood up and opened her bedside drawer. She reached in and grabbed the object she had hidden in there a week ago. She sat back down on the bed and stared at it. A tear slowly trickled down her cheek. This was best for everyone.

(xxxxx)

Spencer yawned as he opened the door to his apartment. He wasn't surprised to find all the lights out. Lila spent most of her time in bed these days. He loosened the tie around his neck and wandered to her bedroom to check on her. He gently opened the door.

"Lila?"

The smell caught him first. He reached for the light switch and flipped it on.

"Lila!" he cried.

She was laying on the bed in a pool of blood. Spencer ran to her and quickly ripped off his tie. He wrapped it tightly around her wrist before undoing his belt and wrapping it around the other wrist. With shaking hands, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"It's going to be ok," he said as tears filled his eyes.

Lila stared back at him weakly.

"No," she whispered.

He quickly relayed the message to the 911 operator before tossing his phone to the side. He held Lila's wrists tightly as he waited for help.

"Why would you do this?" he whimpered.

Lila couldn't respond. She was too tired and had already lost a dangerous amount of blood. Time moved by slowly, but in reality only 7 minutes passed before EMT's arrived. Lila was loaded onto a stretcher and the two of them were rushed to the local emergency room.

Spencer didn't remember calling anyone, but he must have because it wasn't long before Emily burst through the ER door and ran to his side. He was still covered in dry blood, including his hands. After a brief hug, Emily ushered Spencer to the restroom and helped clean him up as best as possible.

By the time they emerged from the bathroom, Derek and J.J. were waiting in the lobby. J.J. wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck and held him tightly. She probably said things of comfort, but he didn't hear them. He was too numb to comprehend what was being said to him.

At some point, Rossi and Luke had arrived as well. They all sat surrounding him, waiting for some news. Every time a doctor entered the room, they all sat straight hoping for information. Finally, after what seemed like hours, a tall gray-haired doctor walked into the lobby and called out, "Archer."

Spencer jumped to his feet and hurried over to the doctor.

"Ms. Archer is in recovery. She is sleeping at the moment. Are you her husband?" he asked looking to Spencer.

"Boyfriend," he replied. "I'm all she has," he added shakily.

The doctor nodded empathetically.

"We will let her rest tonight, but we highly recommend she check into a treatment center. We've scheduled a Psychiatrist to stop by in the morning for evaluation. She will offer advice on what steps to take from this point forward.

I want to warn you that Ms. Archer is currently secured to her bed for her own safety. We will have staff monitoring her closely this evening and I imagine you will be staying with her?"

Spencer nodded.

"Do not be surprised to find her angry when she wakes. She will try to talk her way out of the restraints. She will play at your emotions, but please know that this is for her safety. She will likely be embarrassed that she failed to kill herself. She will beat herself up for it and this will depress her further.

You will see a range of emotions over the next 15 hours. Keep reminding yourself that everything we are doing, that you are doing is for her benefit. It is to protect her and save her life. Do not listen or take to heart anything she may throw your way. I can assure you she doesn't mean a word of it."

Spencer felt someone grab his hand and hold it tightly. He wasn't sure who it was, but based on the lack of fingernails, he guessed it was Emily.

"Do you have any questions or concerns?"

Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I have a thousand questions and concerns, but nothing that can be answered at the moment," he replied.

The doctor nodded his understanding.

"My name is Dr. Griffin. If you need me, ask one of the nurses and they will get in touch with me. I will check in on Ms. Archer in the morning. Her room number is 6, go straight down that hall and make a left."

"Thank you, doctor," Emily replied.

Spencer glanced at the person holding his hand. It was Emily.

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked him.

Spencer hesitated a moment, but shook his head no.

"Ok, if you need any of us, we are a phone call away."

Spencer nodded before silently walking off toward Lila's room.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: You guys I'm sooooo sorry for the long awaited update! I was promoted at work, so that took up most of my time. Then Christmas and New Years! Yikes! Anyway, sorry for the tragic update, but good things will come soon and hopefully, you won't need to wait nearly 2 months for it! xoxo_


	19. Chapter 19

Spencer stayed by Lila's side the remainder of the night. His hand rested on top of hers as she slept. Both her wrists were wrapped in gauze and a bit further up her arm were restraints. It broke his heart to see her like that. At some point, he gave into exhaustion and fell asleep.

He hadn't slept long when he felt Lila's hand moving. He popped up to see her looking around the room. Her eyes wide and cloudy. Spencer stood up and hovered in front of her. His hand gently stroking her cheek.

"I'm right here. Everything is going to be ok," he whispered soothingly.

"Why am I tied down?" she asked as her lips trembled.

Spencer swallowed hard. "For your safety."

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Please, let me out," she begged.

This was what the doctor warned him about. His head dropped as the weight of her words pressed on him.

"It's for your safety," he repeated.

"I won't do it again. I promise. Please, just take them off me," she said.

"I can't."

"Please, I'm scared. I don't want to be here. I feel like I'm kidnapped again. Please, Spencer take me home. Get me out of here," she pleaded.

Spencer pursed his lips as he tried to keep his composure.

"It's only temporary, love –"

"Of course, you won't help me! You've always been against me! Just like my parents! Like everyone!" she shouted, taking him by surprise.

"What – Lila, that is the furthest –"

"You would be better off without me! The whole world would!"

"No!"

She began thrashing in the bed. Spencer reached out to stop her and she let out a blood curdling scream. He immediately let go and stepped back. It was like watching the exorcist. Lila was screaming and wrestling to get out of the restraints.

Three nurses came running into the room. Spencer in a daze moved out of their way.

"Let me die! I want to die!" Lila screamed.

The nurses were trying to calm her down, but she just kept screaming and crying that she deserved to die. After a few moments of fighting the nurses, they must've successfully given her a dose of something, because she stilled and sank into the mattress.

Her eyes were glazed and droopy. Tears still slowly slid down her cheek. As the nurses left the room, Spencer moved back to Lila's side.

"I don't deserve to live," she whispered to no one.

"Lila, please don't say that. I love you so much. I need you," he said as his armor cracked and he broke down.

Her eyes moved to lock on his. She blinked slowly.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled before falling asleep.

Spencer collapsed into the chair and buried his face in his hands where he sobbed until he had nothing left in him. Eventually, he dozed off again.

(xxxxx)

The next day was another mixture of emotions. She started the morning off depressed. Telling Spencer she was worthless and a failure, even mentioning her failure to kill herself. By the afternoon, she was back to anger and begging to be released from her restraints.

On the third day the Psychiatrist came to visit and suggested Lila go straight from the hospital to a rehab facility. At first, Lila refused and pleaded to go home, but Spencer was able to convince her that it would be good for her. That he needed her to live and that no matter what he loved her. He must've gotten her at a good moment, because she agreed to go.

The following day, Emily stopped by with a bag of Lila's things. Spencer stood in the hospital room waiting while Lila cleaned herself up. He heard the door to the bathroom open and turned to see her sheepishly watching him.

"You ready?" he asked.

"No, but I don't think I ever will be," she said sadly.

Spencer understood that feeling. He didn't want her to go either, but it was the only way.

"Spence, you … while I'm gone … you," she said as she nervously fiddled with her fingers. "You don't have to wait for me."

He walked over to her and held out his arms. She tucked herself into his chest as tears slid down her cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere. I will be here whenever you come home," he said as he curled over her, sheltering her against his body.

Hearing him say home brought her to deeper tears. He was home and she had to fix herself so she could be with him.

"I love you," she sobbed into his chest.

"I love you too. Please take care of yourself. I don't know what I would do without you," he said.

She looked up and pressed her lips to his. The two sharing a deep, passionate kiss when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Lila said as she wiped her tears.

A tall, dark skinned woman peered into the room. She gave Lila a small smile.

"Ms. Archer, are you ready?" she asked.

Lila nodded before turning back to Spencer. She placed her hands on his cheeks and peppered him with a few more kisses.

"I'll call you when I can," she said.

He nodded.

"I love you," she said again as she gave him another kiss.

"I love you too," he replied.

With that, she let go of him, grabbed her bag and reluctantly walked out of the hospital room. It would be 4 months before Spencer heard from her again.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: short chapter, but it was a good place to stop before continuing. I hope you like it! xoxo_


	20. Chapter 20

Six months had gone by and Spencer hadn't heard from Lila at all during the time. He often wrote her letters, but never received anything in return. Eventually, he stopped writing her and he stopped anticipating her calls. Things at work went back to normal, though everyone could see the change in him.

He wasn't as talkative as usual, rarely spitting out rambling facts like he used to. He smiled, but it never reached his eyes. He stayed to himself more often than not. He opted to sleep, or pretend to sleep, on flights. He turned down invitations to go out after work or attend dinners or gatherings. In all, it looked as though he was just coasting through life on auto-pilot.

On one visit, J.J. noticed that Lila's items had been placed in boxes and were piled neatly in the living room. She tried to ask him about it, but he brushed it off and turned the conversation in a different direction. That was how it always was when anyone tried to bring up Lila. It was though she never existed, despite the fact they could see how much losing her broke him.

It was the end of the work day and there was no case at the moment, so Luke and Garcia were trying to convince the others to go out to dinner. As usual, an invitation was extended to Spencer, but he declined. They all reluctantly left without him. Spencer finished cleaning up his desk, stood up, tossed his bag over his shoulder and started his walk to the elevator.

He stared at his ratty sneakers while waiting for the elevator. He heard the ding and looked up to enter but was frozen in place. Staring back at him was Lila. She looked amazing in a pair of jeans and baby blue t-shirt that made her eyes sparkle. Her hair was cut a bit shorter, but still long enough for a ponytail. She didn't wear makeup, but it didn't matter because her face looked radiant and healthy.

"Spencer," she said softly as she stepped off the elevator.

"Lila," was all he could manage to choke out.

With a bit of hesitation, she moved closer and opened her arms. It took a moment for his brain to react, but Spencer wrapped his arms around her as she embraced him. They silently held one another before he stepped back and looked at her with confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"But … I haven't heard from you … you never called … you never wrote," he said with a furrowed brow.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said guiltily breaking eye contact.

"Why?"

"Because," she said as she watched her feet shuffle below her. "I was ashamed. I was ashamed of who I was and what I had chosen to do."

Spencer didn't say anything. He just watched her with sadness in his gaze.

"I needed to find myself again. I needed to learn to embrace myself and figure out where I belonged –"

"You belonged with me," he interrupted.

"I didn't feel like I did."

"Why? I tried to be there for you. I tried to help you through it all. What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Spence. Don't you see that it wasn't anything about you! You were amazing and loving and supportive and I felt I didn't deserve you," she began.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"I know what you are going to say, but it didn't stop how I felt. I hated who I was. I only saw myself as a burden in your life. A worthless, damaged, piece of shit. I couldn't see it any other way. I couldn't see that I deserved someone as wonderful as you. I was stupid and I am so sorry that I hurt you.

I'm sorry for everything I've put you through since I came back into your life. I'm sorry that I couldn't see beyond my depression. You have given me everything, Spencer and I am beyond grateful to have known you."

Spencer bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. His eye lids fluttered in an attempt to fight back the tears he felt building. He looked back at her with a frown.

"So, what is this? A goodbye?" he said bitterly.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Lila, I don't understand you. Why are you so determined to end things with me? You say all those things about how great I am and yet you can't seem to wait to end it with me!"

"Why are you so determined to stay with me? What do I have to offer you that is worth anything!"

"I can see those six months in therapy did wonders," he scoffed.

Lila ran her fingers through her hair.

"You're right. I'm doing exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't do," she sighed. "I just … Spencer, I feel so inferior when I'm with you. Like I will never be able to give you everything you deserve –"

"All I want is you, Lila! That's it! I have never asked anything of you! And the one thing I do want you keep refusing to give to me!" he said raising his voice.

Someone from another portion of the office walked by and tried to act as though they weren't hearing this argument. Spencer glanced their way and shook his head.

"Forget it. I'm tired. I just want to go home. You can come get your stuff if you want. I don't care," he said as he walked past her and pushed the down button.

"Spencer, this isn't what I want," Lila said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I don't know what to tell you. I've already tried my hardest and it isn't good enough. You still think you need to be a deity or something. I can't convince you anymore of how I feel about you."

The elevator opened and he stepped on board. Pressing the garage floor button.

"I want to be with you, but I'm scared," she said diving in front of the elevator door.

"Why? Do you think I'll hurt you?"

"No!"

"Then what the hell are you so scared of?"

"I'm scared of being right about myself. I'm scared that you will see me for who I am one day and leave –"

"You realize how insulting that is, right? You obviously don't know me if you think I would ever leave you. Lila, I wanted to propose to you. I was ready and you ran. So, the person who should be scared is me, because you continue to leave me all the time. Now, please move so I can go home."

"You wanted to marry me?" she said in shock.

"Crazy, I know. I guess, I was stupid to believe you when you said you loved me."

"I do love you," she insisted.

"You have a funny way of showing it," he said.

"What if I said yes?" she blurted.

"Huh?" he said with a frustrated and confused look on his face.

"What if I said yes, I would marry you?"

His face went blank and he looked at her.

"What if I said that I wanted to marry you? That I want to fight my fear and follow what my heart wants? That I don't want to run anymore?"

Spencer stared at her in silence. His eyes scanning hers for the truth.

"I don't want to lose you, Spencer. I don't want to make the biggest mistake of my life," she said before getting down on her knee. "I know this is weird and I don't have a ring, but Spencer Reid will you marry me?"

Spencer watched her quietly for a moment, before reaching out and pulling her to her feet.

"Get up you weirdo," he said rolling his eyes.

Lila's heart dropped, but before she had a chance to think on it further, he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Their kiss intensified as the elevator doors closed behind them.

"For the record, I asked first," he whispered before reconnecting their lips.

Lila laughed as she held him tight.

"Whatever you say," she giggled against his mouth. "As long as it's a yes."


	21. Chapter 21

Lila stared at the moon. Another nightmare had woken her. She had hoped after so long these dreams would have stopped. But her therapist warned her that when things felt good, she would find herself battling her old demons. The wind blew through her hair as she closed her eyes and worked on the reality technique she had been taught.

As she calmed her mind, she felt a hand slip around her waist.

"You ok?" Spencer asked as he placed his chin on her shoulder.

"Yea, babe, I'm fine," she assured him as she ran her hand along his bare arm that held her close.

"Worrying?" he asked.

"It was just a bad dream. I'm ok, I promise," she said spinning around to wrap her arms around him.

He looked at her cautiously but seemed to relax as she smiled reassuringly at him.

"You wanna talk about it?" he offered.

"No, it doesn't deserve a second thought," she said as she gave him a gentle kiss.

He ran his fingers through her hair and stared at her adoringly.

"You're so beautiful," he said.

"And you're so sexy," she purred as she jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.

They kissed feverishly as Spencer carried her back to the bed. He laid her down and hovered over her. Placing small kisses along her cheek, nose, and forehead.

"I don't know about you, but I believe I'm ready for round three," Lila said as she ran her hand down his body and grabbed a hold of his member.

"Whatever you wish, Mrs. Reid," he said as he attacked her neck.

The next twenty minutes they indulged in steaming hot sex, leaving them both exhausted afterwards. Spencer had immediately fallen asleep, but Lila lay watching him as she curled against him. Today had been the greatest day of her life.

She got to marry the most amazing man on earth. The day was full of happiness, love, and laughter like she had never known. It was an intimate wedding on a private island, with only Spencer's team, and their family members, and his mom, who came with two nurses.

It was the perfect wedding with the perfect groom. Her life was finally everything she had ever dreamed of and more. She closed her eyes and held tightly to the man who saved her life in so many ways. To the man who showed her what life really was.

(xxxxx)

 _A/N: sorry for the short chapter, but this felt like the end. I hope you enjoyed this story and will continue to follow me as I write more. Thanks for all the support! xoxo_


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